Question:
My soon to be 16 yr. old daughter has become extremely difficult to reason with. I give her time limits on the phone and (we only have 1 main phone) and I am a single parent and can't afford a cell pone for her.) I have set timers and give her up to an hr. on the phone and she becomes quite nasty and yells at me when i tell her the times up. Later, she sometimes apologizes for being so hateful. I have taken away privileges away, doesn't seem to phase her. What's your solution?Thanks
Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents. She answers:
It may be that your daughter is in a situation where some, or even many, of her friends do have cell phones and you are dealing with her underlying feelings of frustration about this, in addition to that very strong need of teens to be in contact with their peers. Be sure to let her know that you empathize with her feelings, and are doing the best you can to be reasonable about her time on the phone. Have you tried negotiating with her about the frequency and length of her phone calls? There may be some kind of compromise that both of you could accept. Teens are more likely to be cooperative if they have some part in making the rules.
If taking away privileges has not been effective, you might combine that approach with offering some kind of small incentive or privilege she could earn with her cooperation. I wonder if it might be possible, for you to offer to set aside a small amount of money for any week that she respects the limits. This could be used towards the goal of purchasing her own cell phone with some pre-paid minutes. At her age, you might be able to help her identify some ways that she could earn some money of her own money to contribute as well. She may be able to do some babysitting, housecleaning or other chores for friends or neighbors, if other part-time jobs are not easily available. Even if this is not possible right now, keep in mind that it could be soon. Before you know it, your telephone may be your own again!