Question:
I am a single mother with a 16 year old daughter. Her father is available to her via phone but he has not been present in person for several years nor does he pay his child support obligations. She has been lying to me about almost everything in her life and is also failing in school because she will not complete assignments. She gets into a lot of trouble in school cursing teachers, fighting, leaving school grounds....I just found out that she has been able to leave school early by calling on her dads friends to come and pick her up. The school was very apologetic when I questioned them and assured me she would not be allowed to repeat this habit of calling others "when I am not available". What can I do to get thru to her about unsafe situations and all of this lying?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Lisa Machoian, Ed.D. is the author of "The Disappearing Girl: Learning the Language of Teenage Depression", and a national expert on teenagers, their mental health, psychosocial development, and self-esteem. She answers:
It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of acting out and possibly underlying depression. You have to begin to set clear and firm limits and stand by the consequences. She has to know the consequence for lying before she lies and then, if she still does it, you have to follow through with the consequence. Is there a way her dad could be more involved? Some of her acting out around authority and school and limits could be underlying unconscious or conscious anger about her father not paying more attention to her. This often happens to girls during adolescence in the identity development process. He needs to talk to her regularly and see her more often, somehow. You need some support for yourself from friends or family. You may also need to seek professional help for her because it sounds like her behavior is escalating and could have self-destructive consequences.