Question:
Hello, I am dating someone who has 3 teens. The girl (16) recently told me she left some marijuana in her car and thank goodness her mom didn't see it. After a few days I thought about it and decided to tell her dad. I have kept her other secrets, kissing boys, but this worries me. What if she is driving? Was I wrong to break her confidence?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Stephen Wallace, fields questions about drugs and alcohol. Stephen Wallace is the Chairman & Chief Executive Officer of SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions), and has served as school psychologist, camp director, and college professor. You can read more about him on SADD's site. Stephen answers:
Tough call, but no, I don't think you were wrong to tell her dad about her marijuana use. I would have suggested that you let her know ahead of time that you felt you had a duty to do so because of your concern about her. I would have also advised you to invite her to join you in the conversation so you could all discuss it rationally and calmly together. Your fears are well-founded. Data from a from a Teens Today survey of middle and high school students conducted by SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions) reveals that:
- At least one in three 7th-12th graders has used or is using drugs (36 percent)
- The majority of licensed teen drivers who use drugs regularly also drug and drive (68 percent)
- Among teens, driving after drugging is more prevalent (68 percent of those who use drugs regularly) than is driving after drinking (47 percent of those who drink regularly)
- More than one third of teens who are using drugs regularly are not concerned about riding in a car with a driver who is using drugs (38 percent)
Unfortunately, many adults are unaware of the degree to which teens have access to and use marijuana. And there are simply others who seem unconcerned, perhaps underestimating the potency of today's weed (estimated to be ten to twenty times stronger than the marijuana of yesteryear) or the possible consequences of its use. Your boyfriend's daughter is lucky you are not one of them - though she may not realize it now. Marijuana is, in fact, addictive and, much like alcohol and other drugs, it directly affects the brain, impairing the ability of young people to think, learn, and grow . . . and all of this at a time when significant cognitive reorganization is taking place. In addition, clinicians observing kids on pot note increased apathy, loss of ambition, diminished ability to pursue long-term plans, and a decline in school performance. Marijuana is also used by more than a few teens to avoid dealing with, or to mask, important emotions brought about by a lot of "first-time" situations, thus deferring problem solving and delaying healthy emotional development. I would encourage your boyfriend (and you) to explain to her the physical effects of marijuana and other drugs, their impact on driving, and the legal, social, and emotional risks involved with their use. Teens who have open and honest communication with their parents are more likely to make good choices and to report that their parents' methods of preventing them from using drugs are effective.