Question:
What's the best way to tell our daughter Cindy (16) that we're sorry she broke up with her boyfriend, but it's not the end of the world and she needs to snap out of it?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Michael Schwartzman answers the question, "How can I get my teen to talk to me?" Dr. Schwartzman is a family therapist in New York City and the co-author of "The Anxious Parent". He answers:
There is no best way. There may not be any way, since raising it with her may trigger a renewed mourning on her part. Sometimes, it is best to leave this kind of thing to her and her friends, especially when your intention is to move her on. Telling her to ‘snap out of it,” is tantamount to telling her to park her feelings, and since she is all about feelings at 16, it is impossible. Telling her it is not the end of the world runs counter to a teenager’s nature, which is to live in the moment where, right now, it may in fact feel like the end of the world. I would venture to say that if you tell her what you think in so many words, she will now not only have the breakup on her mind but also a sense of rage with you for being so insensitive. Instead, have faith that once talked out, she will remember her commitments and come around on her own. She sees what her friends are doing. She has her teachers who will remind her when a paper is due or a test is happening. By going with it for a while, she will more likely come to understand the concept of balance in her life on her own, without your prompting. Of course, if she remains inconsolable for more than four weeks or so, you may want to consider professional help.