Question:
I have a 17 year old daughter who has been feeling depressed lately. We have a good relationship, but I have a feeling that something is bothering her because she has been having trouble sleeping and eating. I have a very strong sense that she is currently having sexuality issues about whether or not she is straight. I don't know how to broach this subject with her. Could you please give me some advice. Thank you in advance.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Michael Schwartzman is a family therapist in New York City and the co-author of "The Anxious Parent". He answers:
Your instincts are probably on target, however, your daughter, given her age and need for privacy may be reluctant to share herself with you at this time. As she grows older, and becomes more comfortable with herself, she may need to separate and differentiate her own identity from yours and therefore, in a very natural way, you may actually help her more by supporting her efforts at talking to someone else. The most important point being that it is not so important that she talk to you as it is that she talk to someone you and she can both have confidence in. A trusted guidance counselor, or teacher. Even her physician. These people can stand in now when she may need to talk through some very confusing and worrisome issues. Start the dialogue by pointing out your awareness of her eating and sleep issues. Give her a chance to talk. If she does be especially nonjudgmental. The curative act would be your listening and her talking. If she does not talk also be nonjudgmental. The important point is to steer her towards someone she can talk and think things through with. This can lead to next steps. When they say, "It takes a village to raise a child," this is what they mean.