Question:
Tomorrow I will be discussing with my 15 year old daughters incident of her coming in drunk. I had to help her to her bed when she came in. At first I tried to talk to her when she came in but she was slurring her words. Then to day she spent most of her time washing her bed linens. She had thrown up when she went to bed. I had gotten up an hour later to check on her and thats when I noticed she had thrown up. I cleaned off her face and made sure her head was up on the pillow. I waited because I needed time to collect my thoughts and emotions. I plan to ground her for 3 weeks, no telephone usage and she will not have any friends come over. What else can I do when I discuss her consequences tomorrow? I have already talked to her about the dangers of drinking alcohol and drugs. She started hanging around two older boys ages 18 and 20. She was only allowed one hour a day. Please respond quickly. My daughter has a 4.0 grade point in school. We live in a very remote area in Nevada. The town consists of 1000 people. There is not much activity for the young teens.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Stephen Wallace, fields questions about drugs and alcohol. Stephen Wallace is the Chairman & Chief Executive Officer of SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions), and has served as school psychologist, camp director, and college professor. You can read more about him on SADD's site. Stephen answers:
Good for you for sticking to your guns and engaging your daughter in a discussion about alcohol use. Clearly, she is making decisions that both threaten her health and safety and cause you great worry and inconvenience (yuck – who wants to clean up vomit?). That she has a 4.0 grade average is a good place to start. Reinforce the behaviors that you do want to see before tackling those you don’t. It’s also helpful that she has heard from you about the many dangers associated with underage drinking – keep reminding her! You may also want to focus on the unpleasant social outcomes that may come with alcohol use. Qualitative research from SADD suggests that teens really key in on the relationship risks of drinking, such as saying something to a friend they don’t mean, doing something embarrassing they will later regret, or throwing up on someone (as one teen I know said, “You don’t want to be that guy that throws up on your date.”). You should also be sure to speak with your daughter about her relationships with older boys, especially if they are also drinking. Studies also show that a lot of kids say they have done things sexually under the influence of alcohol that they did not want to do - and regret. According to Teens Today research from SADD, more than one third of sexually active 15-17-year-olds say that having sex often leads to depression and loss of self-respect. And, almost one-third of them say that the decisions they make about sex cause them to feel stressed. In both cases, these feelings are more prevalent among girls than boys. Be sure to explore with your daughter what values you have regarding early sexual behavior and what your expectations are for her. Teens want to know where we stand on these issues and what we want for them. In fact, according to Teens Today, parents are the most influential in a young person’s decision not to become sexually active.
Finally, towns offering few activities for young teens often experience problems with underage drinking and drug use. While there is no easy fix, forming a community coalition to help teens plan and fund alternative, substance-free, events can go a long way toward giving kids who are more inclined to stay away from alcohol or other drugs an easier way to do so. Some event ideas can be found on SADD’s website, www.sadd.org.