Question:
My seventeen yr old son recently greatly reduced his use of pot after much family conflict. Now in its place I find that he is drinking (I am finding empty beers and liquor bottles in the house.) He sees a therapist, who he seems to like. I don't see much progress there. He is a bit of a loner and has few friends. He has a nice girlfriend that he is very attached too. He in involved in few activities so there are not many things that I could take away as a consequence for his unacceptable behavior. What should I do?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Stephen Wallace, fields questions about drugs and alcohol. Stephen Wallace is the Chairman & Chief Executive Officer of SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions), and has served as school psychologist, camp director, and college professor. You can read more about him on SADD's site. Stephen answers:
It’s not clear to me whether the family conflict you describe came about as a result of the pot smoking or whether the family conflict led to the pot smoking in the first place. However, in either case, while discipline is in order, I would focus more on the treatment. It sounds as if your son may be “self-medicating,” first with marijuana and now with alcohol. The fact that he is in a satisfying therapeutic relationship is a good sign and, hopefully, his therapist is addressing these substance use issues. While alcohol use is common among teens his age (three out of four high school seniors has used alcohol, according to Teens Today research from SADD), it is nonetheless harmful to the physical and emotional health of growing teens. On the physical side, alcohol makes young people more prone to accidents, including automobile crashes, that can cause injury or death. It may also impede memory (and thus learning) and change the way his evolving brain will process information in the future. Of course, there’s also the possibility of addiction - statistics make very clear that the earlier one starts drinking the more likely they are to experience alcohol related problems later in life. On the emotional side, alcohol use correlates highly with depression and suicide (a leading cause of death for teenagers). Finally, there are some developmental risks that your son will need help to sort through and understand. For example, alcohol is often used to avoid dealing with - or to mask - important emotions brought about by a lot of "first time" situations and decision-making in a host of different areas. Avoiding those feelings and not learning to use them effectively to solve problems, reflect, and grow only delays the inevitable and can stunt healthy emotional development. He needs to ask himself (or be asked): What decisions will I make to feel that I have status or standing in a group of peers? How will I deal with stressful or painful situations or periods in my life? And am I comfortable interacting with others, even those I don't know? And the closer: Can I do it without alcohol?