Question:
Hello, Anthony is 14, he has always been raised with manners. Please and thank you etc. At Christmas he did not like most of his gifts and let it be known. I have never seen that side of him. It was like pulling teeth to get him to apologize to the people it affected. I had a talk with him and he said he was not a actor and my response was not to show anything. Saying please, thank you and I am sorry is like pulling teeth. It is almost as though it is beneath him. My mother has always given (materially) too much. Can that add to the problem??Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Anthony E. Wolf is the author of ""'Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?' A Parents Guide to the New Teenager". He answers:
Once kids become teenagers - as part of their normal psychological development - they want to see themselves as being independent from their parents. This means that much that previously they did because they love you, and what you say they accepted as being right, suddenly - with the advent of their adolescence, they no longer go along with the program. They question everything. One frequent teenage stance is that good manners are not genuine, but rather are phony. With most teenagers convincing them otherwise is usually futile. But they are wrong. Good manners are good. So keep insisting on "please" and "thank you". But also understand that, at least for a while, the best you get will be begrudging compliance. But then when they become adults they get to understand the point of politeness and may even thank you for teaching them proper manners.
As to your mother giving too much, having a perhaps over-generous grandparent can sometimes drive parents crazy, but far more often than not , having such a grandparent is an addition, not a detriment to a childhood.
Once kids become teenagers - as part of their normal psychological development - they want to see themselves as being independent from their parents. This means that much that previously they did because they love you, and what you say they accepted as being right, suddenly - with the advent of their adolescence, they no longer go along with the program. They question everything. One frequent teenage stance is that good manners are not genuine, but rather are phony. With most teenagers convincing them otherwise is usually futile. But they are wrong. Good manners are good. So keep insisting on "please" and "thank you". But also understand that, at least for a while, the best you get will be begrudging compliance. But then when they become adults they get to understand the point of politeness and may even thank you for teaching them proper manners.
As to your mother giving too much, having a perhaps over-generous grandparent can sometimes drive parents crazy, but far more often than not , having such a grandparent is an addition, not a detriment to a childhood.