Question:
I raised my two sons (now 14 and 18) on my own, and though I have tried not to bad-mouth their father, they have a pretty distant relationship with him. I've recently started dating a man I really like, but haven't introduced my sons to him yet. Do you have any suggestions on how to ease this meeting for the boys?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Anthony E. Wolf answers the question, “Why am I always the bad guy?” Dr. Wolf is the author of ""'Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?' A Parents Guide to the New Teenager". He writes:
The general rule is that you want to be as straightforward and honest as possible. Assuming that they know you are dating – if not, let them know – set up a time for them to meet. Give the boys some notice and work out a time where you can all be together – going out for a meal or having a meal at your house is often good. It should not be too long, an hour – two at the most – where they can meet but are not being forced to spend too much time together. The meeting is not so much to sell your friend to your boys, but rather just that they get to meet and spend a little time in each others company. So long as you do not rush the boys into initially having your friend being around a lot, it should go smoothly. As they do not have much of a relationship with their father, their concerns about his feelings about you dating will probably not be much of a factor. Most teenagers do not mind that their parents date so long as it doesn’t impinge on their getting to do what they want.