Recent questions and answers
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- My daughter will be 16 in October. She is grounded for sneaking out less than a week ago. She cried and explained how sorry she is again. I plan to move her room upstairs and have not done it yet. She cannot use the phone or IM, yet she has used both anyway. I had to tell her several times to get off the computer before she listened. She talks back and puts that lil “I dont care” grin on her face or the “that doesn’t bother me, whatever” grin when I threaten things like not getting learners. Now I am so frustrated that I told her if she cannot talk to me with respect (oh she was disrespectful today in front of another adult talking to me) then I will take her off the cheerleading squad since nothing else seems to work. She still acted like she didn't care. She always has to have the last word telling me to be quiet or something. What do you think? Do you think that would be wrong even though nothing else seems to work? What do I do to get through to her. My husband and I are separated at the moment because of her mouth which turned into a confrontation between her and my husband (her step-dad). I'm under a lot of pressure being that I have been a stay-home-mom for the last five years (I have a 3.5 yr old son too), and I'm about to start my 3rd of school, and now school starting and all the activities that go along with it (one is high school & one in K), with financial concerns as well. I have to get a job in the mix of all this. I'm getting ready to head to Christian counseling now. I'm looking to the Lord for direction, and praying that my husband and daughter's heart is receptive and willing to follow the same path. Please help me gain control and respect from her.
- I am a subscriber to your newsletter and I wanted to know if you had an article about sports and when a teen doesn't make the team? Or do you have references or material for suggestions of what I can get my daughter in to now? My daughter is 15 and did not make the volleyball team and she is very disappointed. She keeps making remarks about putting on weight because now she wont be active and what will she do now with her extra time. She is going to try for a job but she is actually just turning 15 so it might be hard to come by. She is involved with Campus Life a Christian organization on Monday nights. I think when school is back in to session she will get busy but I wanted to know what other parents have shared with what works well for this big disappointment. Thank you.
- My 16 year daughter recently invited a group of friends over to our house who were advised ahead of time that there would be no cigarette, alcohol or drug use allowed. Her dad and I posted a sign at the door stating the rules. There were several kids who went ahead and brought alcohol. My daughter was not involved with the alcohol. When we discovered this we took the alcohol from them. Our intent was to provide a safe environment for our kids but it turned out differently. Can you please give some advice as to how to handle teenage parties and what to do when an underage teenager is caught with illegal substances in our house?
- I am considering giving my 14 year old son a clothing allowance to help him learn how to budget, delay gratification, and to not spend money he doesn't have. My fear is that he will spend his entire budget on a few expensive things he really wants and then when his pants don't fit anymore he won't be able to afford new ones and I will have to buy them (he has to have pants). Is this a good or bad idea? Also, should I make essentials like socks and underwear his responsibility?
- My boyfriend has an 18 year old daughter. She lives in Virginia with her mother, he in NJ. He and his former wife do not have a good relationship - it is acrimonious, yet the ex wife phones him constantly - even in the middle of the nite because she cannot handle the daughter. The divorce was bitter with the wife keeping a "near million dollar home" and he moved to jersey into a little one bedroom rental. he maintained two jobs for a year to pay his debts (for the house and other things they'd purchased) and for child support and alimony (the latter which he still pays to date). Meanwhile, the mother and daughter purchase trendy clothes, mother drives a Mercedes and the father has purchased the phone and pays for the phone service for his daughter. Once the daughter, "B" turned 18, she has become worse than ever. Some of the earlier issues I observed (during my two year relationship with this man) are: 1. at 17 yrs old, she stole her mother's credit card to purchase a $1,000 dog (teacup pup) online because she wanted to resemble Paris Hilton. When discovered the parents allowed her to keep the dog but she had to ultimately get a job (waitressing) to pay her mother back. 2. She had already, at 17 dropped out of high school because she hates school 3. After the theft incident with her mother, her father gave "B" his credit card information over the phone because "B" wanted to buy a pair of shoes. I overheard this and asked him if he was crazy. He said she PROMISED to only use it for the shoes. She did not. She also used it to pay a $300 or so vet payment for her dog...telling him that her mother told her to do it... 4. He has tried to get her to enroll in college (she finally got her GED after several tries) and he bought her a new car (incredible!) so she could drive to school. Well, she is NOT going to enroll in school, she drove out of state to North Carolina in the car without telling her mother or father where she was going....she stays out and does not meet curfew...does not call...has not been returning his calls or her mother's calls....and now.... He is extremely stressed. constantly checking his phone, even in middle of the nite. His ex wife calls even more often...and this is extremely hard for me to watch. I cannot say anything because if I comment, he defends the daughter. I thought it was insane that he would let her keep the phone when she disrespects him by not even answering his calls or responding to him. AND that he bought her a car and is letting her keep it when it was under the condition that she go to school and behave. He and I will likely not be together long because this is the most toxic family relating I have ever known. What suggestions do you have for Him, as a father who did NOT live with his daughter since she was 10...but rather saw her occasionally..although spoke daily with her multiple times. What can he do now? if she answers the phone, she laughs at him or hangs up on him! She treats him almost like a bad friend, certainly not as a parent. It's sickening to watch. Any advise is greatly appreciated. thank you! Rose
- i HAVE NOT HAD CUSTODY OF MY DAUGHTER FOR ALMOST 7 YEARS. SHE IS 15 YEARS OLD. LAST YEAR HER FATHER WAS HAVING TERRIBLE PROBLEMS WITH HER. SHE WAS 51/50 3 TIMES IN 6 MONTHS. SHE WAS DEFIANT. HER FATHER DREW UP A TRIAL CUSTODY FORM, DROPPED HER OFF AT MCDONALDS AND SAID EITHER YOU TAKE HER OR SHE GOES TO FOSTER CARE. I DID TAKE HER THAT NIGHT, THAT WAS 15 MONTHS AGO, IN THAT TIME, WE GREW VERY CLOSE, I HAD HER COUNSELED, I SPENT EVERY SECOND WITH HER, ADORED HER. SHE WAS READY TO START A NEW SCHOOL FOR 10TH GRADE LAST WEEK, AND HER FATHER DECIDED TO TAKE HER BACK. SHE WENT WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING BACK, I AM SHOCKED, HE WAS ABUSIVE TO HER, HIT HER, YELLED AT HER, THEY FOUGHT DAILY. WITH ME WE NEVER FOUGHT, SHE IS MY ANGEL, I AM HAVING A REAL HARD TIME WITH THIS. I THINK SHE WANTS TO BE BACK WITH HER FRIENDS, BUT SHE JUST LEFT AND REALLY DOSENT REALIZE WHAT DAMAGE THIS IS GOING TO DO. PLEASE HELP ME, IM SCARED, AND ALL ALONE.
- we are totally fed up with our 14 yr old daughter, disrespect, not following rules, no myspace, do chore(dishes) w/out being told, no phone if grounded, i could go on and on. she had a cell phone, it was taken because she was text to chatting with guys she didn't know. she never goes to friends because for some reason she would rather that than introduce us and give us #s and addresses. the only place she really goes is her cousins, she is 23ish, there she can do whatever because the cousin is irresponsible herself. but we give in every so often because she is always home. we have a park a block away but she cant go there w/ getting in trouble! boys omg she has got caught skipping school for 3 hrs w/ a boy. she has run away a few times in the past 2 yrs, the last time(spring) we had to have the police get her. she is her fathers only child and she is the only one at home, he has done everything he could for her, she gets everything she needs and most of what she wants(the wants are dwindleing). she knows how to get what she wants from him, she will ask, ask, ask, ask, ask every chance she get when she gets him alone. we have found notes from her to boys with swearing, bad talk about both of us, etc. one said she was ready to give him oral sex! I AM SOOO FED UP! can any one help?? thank you
- my 13 year old daughter has failed grade 7. She has gotten into the wrong crowd, is smoking and staying out late and has snuck out of the house at night, she swears and has even been caught shoplifting. What can I do to make her understand that she is really going down the wrong road and hanging out with the wrong crowd. In fact I am beginning to think that she is the bad one not the other kids. How do I get through to her. I wonder where my good girl went.
- Hello, my 13 year old daughter is smoking, she has stolen cigarettes from my husband and we have caught her with them several times. I am not sure what to do about this situation. I know that almost all teens will try smoking, but she is being so bold about it. Any suggestions??
- My daughter is about to begin high school and will be turning 14 in a month. She is 5'8",well built and looks older. This summer she was introduced through an older cousin to a boy one year older. Should a freshman girl be attending gatherings with sophomores and possibly juniors? Can I let her see this boy, but only in my home and not while he is with his group? When should girls be allowed to date?