Topic: Social and Community

Following are the questions our readers asked on this topic. To view our expert's answer to a question, just click on it.

• My daughter is incredibly self-conscious about her period and is always saying her cramps are so bad she can't do anything--go to school, visit grandparents, etc.--at that time of the month. She has been checked out by our family doctor and he can't find anything that would cause her so much discomfort. What do you think is going on?
• I think my daughter (15) is experimenting sexually with a girlfriend. I don't know what this means, and it concerns me. What should I do?
• I have read that abstinence-only programs just don't work. But I'm really worried that my Jason, my 16-year-old, needs to be taught to respect his girlfriends more. How can a school sex ed class instill that in him?
• I can't stand all the swearing I hear from my teen kids and their friends. I know I swear myself, but nothing like my kids do. Why don't schools do something to clean up their language?
• I have heard a lot of rumors about teenagers wearing color coded sex bracelets. The color of the bracelets lets boys or anyone know what the girl will do sexually. Purple supposedly mean "all the way". Is there any truth to this rumor?
• How do I get my daughter who is 12 to understand why I do not want her to have a boyfriend? I have told her, 1, she is too young to have to deal with all the drama that comes with a boyfriend... I think she understands after watching the other girls at school. Break up...and sex... my daughter is not mature enough for this. Dottie
• I found empty condom box in my 13 yr old boy's pocket. I have talked a lot about sex and drugs with him and he understands the consequences. I don't want to over react now that I'm faced with this. Do I make him break up with his girlfriend?
• I'm struggling with homosexual feelings. How do I deal with them?
• Is it "normal" for our 15 y.o. daughter to want to spend more time with us than with her friends? She talks about friends at school, but seems to shy away from social events-- dances, athletic events, etc. -- we worry about her becoming lonely or depressed.
• I have a niece who is 15 and has been sexually active but insists she cannot tell her mother. I am concerned about getting her on birth control and getting her professional education about STDs, etc. Shall I take her to the family planning clinic myself?
• Hello, Anthony is 14, he has always been raised with manners. Please and thank you etc. At Christmas he did not like most of his gifts and let it be known. I have never seen that side of him. It was like pulling teeth to get him to apologize to the people it affected. I had a talk with him and he said he was not a actor and my response was not to show anything. Saying please, thank you and I am sorry is like pulling teeth. It is almost as though it is beneath him. My mother has always given (materially) too much. Can that add to the problem??
• My son is an outgoing 14 y/o boy. He gets good grades, and he has a good group of friends at school. He plays baseball in the summer and enjoys it a lot. However, we can't get him to do anything outside of school with anyone besides the family! He's a pretty happy kid, and we have a good relationship at home. He talks about his friends a lot, but he never wants to invite anyone over or go anywhere with friends. We volunteer to pay for him to go places sometimes, but he doesn't like to go out. He has friends in the neighborhood but he doesn't hang out with them at all either. Is this normal?
• I have a 17 year old daughter who has been feeling depressed lately. We have a good relationship, but I have a feeling that something is bothering her because she has been having trouble sleeping and eating. I have a very strong sense that she is currently having sexuality issues about whether or not she is straight. I don't know how to broach this subject with her. Could you please give me some advice. Thank you in advance.
• I am the mother of a 17 year old daughter. We are a very Christian oriented family. I also have 3 sons, 10, 11, 13. They are very good children and are never in trouble, have never done drugs, alcohol or run around doing bad things at home or school. My daughter has come to me and her dad and has confided in us that she is bisexual. As far as I am aware she is still a virgin and has told us so. But she says she is more attracted to girls than guys. Am I over reacting as far as feeling shocked and disappointed? Do you think it's a phase she is going through? I must say I am at a loss for words and she asked me not to hate her or be disappointed. But I am and I do not know the right words to say to her without pushing her away. I told her I wasn't totally approving of this and asked her why she came to this decision. Can you shed some light on this for me or guide me in a direction that I can find the right way to approach this? I lost a lot of sleep last night over this issue. Thank you for your consideration.
• My son (just 16 years old) is having phone sex with his out of state girlfriend (just 15 years old). My husband and I spoke to him about our concerns. He told us that he has known his girlfriend for a long enough time and that he is ready for this step. He did tell me that they remain virgins. I'm not sure how concerned we should be about this. Please advise. Thank you.
• Our daughter has a boyfriend who controls every move she makes. We no longer approve of the relationship and explained (in a talking discussion) why it was unhealthy for her. She is 15 and rebelling. The problem is that she will not hear as if she cannot understand why this is bad for her. She also has another family so has tried to excape over there to sneak to see him. They agreed with our point of view and so did the boys' parents. How can we help them understand? We have put so many restrictions to stop the relationship but I fear they have crossed the sexual line and will no longer hear us? Should we let them fall before they will learn? Will they continue to rebell? I fear she has lost her mind so deep into this, she may try to escape and get pregnant to try to be with him. What do we do?
• My 17-year-old son is graduating this year and has dreamed of playing his sport in college and the dream is coming true except in the past 2 weeks he has completely changed his mind about his college plans because of his girlfriend who doesn't graduate for 2 more years. How do I get him to focus on his own life and not planning every move he makes around this girl?
• My 16 year old son is incredibly intelligent but is very passive and is definitely a "follower" and not a "leader". I'm worried about the long term implications because he keeps choosing less than optimum teens to follow. How can I help him find his inner "leader". Thanks!
• my 15 year old daughter has dabbled in bi-sexuality and this concerns me that she is labeling herself at 15 we have gotten into heated arguments about this I told her that I can understand that she is confused but to go around telling everyone that you are Bi is not a smart idea as she has endured a lot of harassing in the beginning when this first came out. Now she just tells me that her boyfriend doesn’t mind and my point to this is what man would??? I am at this time not allowing her to date and have broken up the relationship she had with her now ex-boyfriend. Because of the above but also because of the fact that once again we had the “being safe” talk and she has informed me that if and when she becomes sexually active she will not use a condom as her boyfriend at that time did not like them???? I almost fell over I am very open with my kids and talk freely with them and she knows about all the risks of not using a condom but she said well he wont use them and when I stressed to her again that then she should tell him if he wont use one then she wont be doing anything. But she just will not listen to me and I am afraid with all the things going around that she will get something. How do I get her to understand she needs to protect herself no matter what.
• My son is 18 years old and I discovered he is watching hard Porn. How do I confront him with this? and what impact will this have on his future relations with women?
• This summer I am up against a particularly challenging situation with my sixteen year old. As you know our kid's peer groups are ever expanding within mediated publics on line and as schools seek to join community and state wide programs. Recently it was discovered that a kid in my teen's peer group is a transgender individual. It wasn't too difficult to put two and two together when my child brought home the movie "Boy's don't Cry" and asked me to watch it with her. It was extremely difficult for me to sit through this film but I did it because I knew something was amiss within the group of close friends that all seemed to be confused and secretive and hurting from "something". The film opened up a discussion, but I am at a loss for how to help heal the hurt that my daughter feels. My kid is very bright and accepting of the actual fact of transgenderism. She took the time to research it, learn about TG individuals and I am simply amazed at her level of acceptance. What she does not accept however is the general scam. A kid from another community poses as the opposite sex and coaxes other teens to like him...even love him...but he is a she. The kids in the group are dismayed, angry, confused and hurt when they find out they have been scammed. What is acceptance now? When it hits close to home it becomes entirely different; our fear rears it's ugly head. We teach our kids to honor the truth; to honor individuality and to value differences, which means a lot more these days than it did when I was growing up. This is a real and tragic dilemma for teens who are going through it. I am afraid for my teen, her peers and the boy in question. A Parent from New England who loves her child, honors differences in people and wants to protect kids in her community from being harmed.
• It appears to me that bi-sexuality is becoming an epidemic with teens and young adults. Until recently, my son had only confessed that he had bi-sexual friends that were girls. Sunday I read something he had written about "his true self" which declared that he was bi-sexual. Once confronting him he denied being either bi-sexual or totally gay. He has no "feminine" qualities. It appears that this is just another "thing" that teens are being drawn to. Is the issue a big (nationally) as I perceive?
• I just found out my son 16 years of age is having sex , I found rubbers and he admitted to it. Now what? How do I handle the situation,, do I tell her parents about this or what? Thanks Valerie
• My daughter is about to begin high school and will be turning 14 in a month. She is 5'8",well built and looks older. This summer she was introduced through an older cousin to a boy one year older. Should a freshman girl be attending gatherings with sophomores and possibly juniors? Can I let her see this boy, but only in my home and not while he is with his group? When should girls be allowed to date?
• My 14 year old daughter is so caught up with fashion, what she is wearing, what her friends are wearing. Every time she goes out, she has clothing in a bag. Almost everytime, she comes home empty handed. Loans her clothing to her friends. This worries me - not only is it frustrating, expensive - but the implications of it all - A FOLLOWER. My brother did this but in the form of my fathers car, his car, his money. What should I do? Her father & I are going thru a nasty divorce. He was NOT a very sensitive, loving role model. Could this be it?? Fallout from this?
• My 15 year old daughter came home from school on the bus and told me that a boy had inappropriately touched her on the schoolbus. She told me she said NO but she was timid about it and not at all as assertive as she should have been. It made her uncomfortable and she is afraid that it would be committing social suicide if she made a big deal out of it. As a parent, I am disgusted on so many levels but so honored that she still trusts me to tell me these things. I am however, at a loss as to what my actions should be. I know i need to teach her to be more self confident and say NO and mean it or she is going to end up in trouble. But I dont know how to do this?????
• is it ok for my 13 year old daughter to have a boyfriend? is it better to show that i am not comfortable with this by telling her i don't accept it or will that prevent her from being open with me in the future? what steps do i need to take?
• My 11yo turns 12 next week and for her birthday wants a second set of ear piercings. Is she old enuff??
• I have a 16 year old son. He is intelligent, gets mostly A's , not really athletic but does participate in Cross Coutnry. He hasn't really made any new friends in high school. He got a new group of friends in in Jr. High and hangs out with these guys still. He is smart and does well in school. My problem is his friends and his attitude. He hangs out with kids that about 90% are from single mother homes where the dad isn't in the picture and the mom is working so hard to make ends meet that she isn't very present either. Very few of them do well in school and only a few may attend college. Most of them have huge authority issues. A few have been caught drinking and sneaking out at night. Rumors of drug use are circling too. His father and I are on my son all the time - hence his attitude and resentment towards us. He has never been caught doing anything wrong and we have no signs of him drinking or using drugs. I am trying to get him to expand out to other groups but he just won't and gets extremely angry and defiant whenever the subject is brought up. I am at a loss. Should we keep trying to encourage him to do other things or give up and let it be? Are we right to worry or over reacting? Help.
• Good afternon, My 13, almost 14 year old is being made fun of at school. I have tried to talk to him about not reacting when kids tease him, but it is easy to say and hard to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle the bullys? Thanks, Stephanie

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