Topic: Family
Following are the questions our readers asked on this topic. To view our expert's answer to a question, just click on it.
- My daughter (16) is always trying to press my buttons - staying out beyond curfew, playing her music really loud when we are trying to go to sleep at night. Any ideas on how I can not get mad but just get some cooperation?
- I raised my two sons (now 14 and 18) on my own, and though I have tried not to bad-mouth their father, they have a pretty distant relationship with him. I've recently started dating a man I really like, but haven't introduced my sons to him yet. Do you have any suggestions on how to ease this meeting for the boys?
- Casey (now 13) used to tell me all about his day when he came home from school. Now I get a monosyllabic grunt whenever I ask what's new. How can I get him to open up?
- What's the best way to tell our daughter Cindy (16) that we're sorry she broke up with her boyfriend, but it's not the end of the world and she needs to snap out of it?
- Before school started, our teen son agreed that he would be home on school nights by 10PM. At the time, we plainly stated that the time was partly for parent convenience since we got up early for work and needed the sleep. Now, school has started and he wants to go to a concert on a school night that won't get out until 11-12. I reminded him of his agreement and he said that he wanted to go to the concert despite the agreement. I told him that there would be consequences if he chose to break the agreement and he said he didn't care. He just turned 18 and had become quite disobedient and, in some respects, daring us to punish him. He has no car priviledges, no job, no girlfriend. The only 2 priviledges he has are a cell phone and internet. We have had many family meetings to discuss the defiance. He basically agrees to anthing we say to end the conversation and get away from us. Then, when we bring up the agreement (like this situation) he just does what he wants. His reaction is like a 2 year old having a temper tantrum. He was not this way when he was 2! Any suggestions on how to make these conversations/agreements stick better. I imagine I'll just take away his cell phone for this infraction. Maureen G
- I have sheltered my son now he's 15 and having a hard time fitting in what can I do?
- My 13 year old will agree, when discussing her chores, to do anything. We have tried rewards, removing privileges, and stern talks. I don't believe in corporal punishment. Still, the chores (like room cleaning, taking dishes to the table, not eating in her room, etc.) go undone. I'm her mother, not her maid, and I feel very disrespected (yes, I've told her this... she cries, and apologizes, but still her behavior doesn't change). What am I doing wrong?
- I am 33 year old single mom of 2 children ages 12 & 4. I started to date someone after being single for the last 5 yrs. My son loves my boyfriend. My daughter has rebelled. She is disrespectful and ignores me and my boyfriend. My daughter and boyfriend have had several bouts and it caused him to move out of state and put our wedding date on hold. My daughter refuses to talk about why she doesn't like him. How do I get her to open up so that I can get my happy family back and for it to include my fiance? Neva from Texas
- My 17 year old is under court order to attend school and to obey rules at home. She is a good girl but ever since she started dating this boy she never listens to us anymore. She stays at his house and won't come home, she already had a miscarriage by him. She swears and tries to fight me when I tell her she can't go over his house. Now school is back in session and I can't get her to go . I will be the one to get in trouble by the court because I am her mother but she doesn't seem to care. She just recently totaled her Jeep Cherokee and she acts like she has done nothing wrong. Now I'm responsible to get her to school and it's a fight every time. I just want to give up, my husband doesn't know how to handle her either. I don't want the courts to take her away because I love her so much. Do you have ANY advice?
- I have a problem, can you give me any suggestions? I have a 13 yr old daughter, and 9 year old son. I got married last year and my daughter cannot stand my husband. We moved an hour away from our hometown due to work and she is very pissed at me. She and her brother decided with their dad that they would go to school in their hometown, where their dad lives. I have custody of them but I allowed them to do this thinking they would be happy. I want them to be happy, but my daughter is very angry at me, although this is what they wanted.. it is killing me but I decided to try it anyways. So she is angry because of course she wants her mom, but she wants her friends more... they stay with me on the weekend and she just stays in her room most time. She is a very good kid.... but right now she has a very bad attitude. I can’t talk to her without clashing... help me please......
- My 14 almost 15 year old daughter says she has fallen in love with a 21year old after only knowing him two weeks. He isn't even a US citizen and doesn't speak much English. My husband has banned her from any contact with him, has shut off her internet access and banned her from IM-ing any of her other friends for a month and is making her change all her e-mail accounts. Will not let her get her driver's permit, when she turns 15 in 23 days, and threatened to send her to a monastery. I don't know how to get through to her that this is the right thing that she is to young and that this could seriously cause problems for him. That her father and I don't approve, however I think her father maybe going to far on some of the punishments.
- My 15 year old has 2 fathers 1 is her bio and the other has been her "DAD" since she was 6 months. Her bio dad is hot and cold with her and has seen her 6 times maybe since she was born. Her dad now lives in China and has for several years, he recently quit his good job with the airlines and can not fly back and forth like he use to. She is feeling abandon twice. This is effecting her relationship with boys, in how she reacts to them. What can I do to help my hurting child
- I'm a single parent of 2 teenage sons. I try to sit down everyday and talk to them about their day and their plans for the future. When I question my 14yr old son about things, sometimes he won't answer. When he answers sometimes he won't give me a complete answer. Is it because I'm a woman and he feel like he's not comfortable talking with me? I think my sons need a male role model to talk to and spend time with. Do you have an organizations that you can recommend to me for them?
- My son constantly argues with my boyfriend and I am not sure how to stop it. He says he hates him and wants to fight him. I am tired of being in the middle of the fighting.
- I have an 18 year old daughter who has an 11 month old baby. My daughter's attitude was bad enough before she got pregnant, but now, she is hardly home (we take care of the baby), and when she is home, she either wants money or the car or complains about the way we are raising her daughter. I love my daughter, and granddaughter, but I don't know how much longer I can put up with her attitude. What can I do?
- I have an almost 15 yr old and his life is spinning out of control. He is ADHD and has anxiety issues. He has no concept of consequences for his actions. He lies to us and acts like he doesn't care about anything or anyone except his friends and himself. He also swears at us when he's mad. He just came home yesterday with a mohawk after telling me his friend's dad was going to cut it. Instead, another friend did it. I was livid after I saw it, but my husband really didn't respond to much. I feel he should have taken the clippers and shaved the rest of his head because he lied to us but my husband doesn't act like an authority figure. HELP
- I'm a single mom who has gone through some very difficult financial problems this year. My daughter is 13 and aware of these difficulties. She has become angry and mean to me because I can not do for her like I use to. She is sad and depressed and I can't talk her out of it. I have talked and listened and begged and am ashamed to say screamed at her because I can't get through to her that everything we have been through is not the end of the world. I feel so much guilt because I know she blames me. She has even said she hates me. What do I do now???? It's almost Christmas and things get worse every day.
- My son lied to us about having a traffic ticket. He went on his own to a ticket attorney. We found out because we received in the mail a court date. How can we make him understand that it was really wrong to hide this from us? Will taking his driving privilege away help?
- I have a 19 year old daughter who is a habitual liar. So has stole articles (jewelry, clothes, money) etc from her sister and myself as well as lying about where she has been and other matters (drinking, etc). Being that she lives at home , what do you suggest as a appropriate means of discipline?
- Dr. Schwartzman, I have a real quick question for you. Long story short my 16 yr old daughter has gotten herself in to some trouble lately and she doesn't like "my" rules. So she will not come back home from her Dad's?! And he thinks I am "too strict" on her and she should be able to stay with him if thats what she chooses?! What do I do?? Thank you, Lori "struggling single Mom"
- I believe that my 11 year old son should be allowed to shut his bedroom door for the ability to have private space. My wife does not share my thoughts. Who is right? Do children need their own private space?
- I am a single mother with a 16 year old daughter. Her father is available to her via phone but he has not been present in person for several years nor does he pay his child support obligations. She has been lying to me about almost everything in her life and is also failing in school because she will not complete assignments. She gets into a lot of trouble in school cursing teachers, fighting, leaving school grounds....I just found out that she has been able to leave school early by calling on her dads friends to come and pick her up. The school was very apologetic when I questioned them and assured me she would not be allowed to repeat this habit of calling others "when I am not available". What can I do to get thru to her about unsafe situations and all of this lying?
- My son , who is now 16, and larger than me, still likes to wrestle with me. This was fun when he was younger and smaller, but now sometimes he hurts me. I've tried to tell him we can't wrestle anymore, but it starts out as teasing and then escalates. I'm usually the one who ends up with the bruises. I just can't make him understand this isn't fun for me anymore. What do I say or do to get through to him? My husband says to ignore him when he starts teasing. I think this is how my son shows affection because we always wrestled when he was younger. Can you help me out here?
- My son, who is 13, decided to go live with his father in Nov. 2006. In my mind I think they brain washed him a little bit about how much better it would be to live there than to live with me. Since that time, he has become a very different person than he was when he lived with me, which was for twelve years mind you. He is very disrespectful to me, very distant, uncommunicative, and just judging by the way he acts when he is asked to do a chore, and I mean something very simple, his response is usually something in the ballpark of, that he doesn't have to do anything at his dads. He is always wanting ME to make is little snacks, when in my mind he is quite old enough to do so. Especially since he is able so bake cookies that are pre-made in a package when he is here. Basically, he never ever used to have those kind of attitudes when he was with me. There is ALOT of family, aunts, uncles, two younger brothers from different fathers, and a grandma that love him with all their heart when he comes to visit. He was the first grandchild out of twelve so he is a very very special boy in this family. On his dads side he is the only grandchild and his dads only son. He has a stepmom that likes to do whatever she can to make things difficult for me for some reason. I am not sure if it is because her children do not want to live with her or what. Anyhow, PLEASE if you can give me any advice on how to get him back on track with me and gain his respect and love..please let me know.. I love my boy with all my heart..CG
- My soon to be 16 yr. old daughter has become extremely difficult to reason with. I give her time limits on the phone and (we only have 1 main phone) and I am a single parent and can't afford a cell pone for her.) I have set timers and give her up to an hr. on the phone and she becomes quite nasty and yells at me when i tell her the times up. Later, she sometimes apologizes for being so hateful. I have taken away privileges away, doesn't seem to phase her. What's your solution? Thanks
- My teenager is very defiant and refuse to go to church stating she does not know if she believes what the bible says. She went to a Christian school from nursery to 8th grade. She is now in a public high school and will be turning 16 this April. What is the proper approach to this situation?
- Hi. My question/concern is with my soon to be 15 year old son (who has a twin brother). He has been raised to be polite and respectful, but of course this hasn't been happening lately. My real concern is, though, that he is disrespectful to girls, swearing and calling them names when he is upset. (He doesn't know that I know this.) Why is he being like this? We have always had a close and loving relationship, and were always able to talk. This really has me concerned, and I'm not sure if I should address this, or how.
- I have a 13 year old son who is getting a little unruly. He has always been a very good kid, And is doing very well in school. Here lately when I ask him to do something he gets an attitude like how dare I ask him to do something. And when I say " Michael" all he has to say is "Mamma", like he is challenging me to see how far I will go. I do not spank my kids and I do not want to spank him because he has always been good. And I feel bad to have to punish him. He is not the only child -- I have a 12 year old and a 10 year old, all boys-- he is sending them the wrong message. How can I punish him and not feel bad?
- I am having a problem communicating with my 13-year-old son. I feel like I'm coming down on him all the time and I am starting to feel a rift in our relationship. For instance, he wants to hang out with his skating friends in a place I consider dangerous (along a canal bank that has a concrete drain, great for skating I guess). I found that he had cans of spray paint in a backpack that he was carrying for water to this spot. I have had a call already from a police officer because he was caught smoking at the movies. His grades are dropping and I feel like I am losing him. I'm not sure how to handle this. Am I being too rigid? HELP.
- Oh gee I am wondering if I have waited too long. I divorced my children's dad in 1997 and remarried in 2002. My son has a true hatred for my husband and at first it was warranted. My husband had to learn to change his temper or he would lose me and my 2 children. His 2 children do not come around due to being teen and young adult but also because he didn't pay attention to them. My son continues to state that I am the problem and too strict. He was arrested in 6th grade for wrecking another child's bike, since then he has been pretty good except the typical he hates me and his step dad. Now that is he bigger and a lot stronger I am realizing he doesn't take me seriously. He is mad when he doesn't get his way and threatens to move in with a friend. In our state dipping under 18 is against the law and snuff was found on him at school which he was given a ticket for. Of course everyone is stupid for it. I continue to search his room for it. I have called his dad in the past for help but I am finding out he is siding with the kids. Their dad even told my husband I have to be stricter with them but then laughs behind my back. I can't afford to send him to a military or boot camp school and at this point not sure that is the correct method. His dad doesn't seen to have the time for him or rather be able to come and go as he pleases. Do I let his dad know that it is time to take responsibility for his son or what? I want me son to be safe and happy. I know he is not happy here and at this point truly hates me. I don't want him to have a lasting hate for me as I love him with my whole heart. If I thought it was just my husband I would have divorced my husband. I don't believe that is the real problem. Confused, hurt and scared.
- My ex won't support me when I try to give my teens consequences. They have both gone to live with him because they can do what they want. I haven't seen my 16 yr old since xmas. My 14 yr old left a week ago and I haven't seen or heard from her since.
- REALLY long story short: My brilliant 17-year old daughter, who will be graduating in May (with Honors and full scholarships) has announced to us that she and her military boyfriend are getting married in JULY. She will be moving into military housing and going to school "on base." You can only imagine the disappointment, disapproval, and fears that we are having, as well as the TURMOIL that this has created in our home. Because we don't approve, the tension has been escalated to extremes. For example, she refers to us (me and her step-dad) as The B*tch and Fat Ba*tard. Exactly how much of this would I be expected to take before I ask her to leave NOW -- DON'T WAIT UNTIL JULY?
- My step-son (age12) made a major mistake yesterday. After school he was allowed to go to a local playground, which is not all that uncommon. He and a friend was "roughhousing" and some adults told them to stop b/c the wrestling was becoming too physical and someone could get hurt. Apparently my step-son told the adult that "he didn't have to listen to her" and kept on playing around. Shortly thereafter, my step-son tackled an unsuspecting friend of his (same age, etc.) who just happened to be an innocent bystander. This friend now has 2 broken bones: 1 in the foot and 1 in the ankle. Further, my step-son and this friend play on a travel soccer team together; and this season is to begin this Sunday! My husband and I feel awful. What should we do?
- I have a 17 year old daughter who has met a 20 year old man. He has a criminal background, a child with someone, a child on the way and my daughter stills insists that he is a good guy and she doesn't understand why we won't allow them to see each other. The age difference and that fact that she is a junior in high school and he is 20, got a GED, doesn't work steadily, has a child, has a criminal background---doesn't seem to matter. We have grounded her and when she was ungrounded, she lied to us where she was going and snuck around to see him. Now we have taken away her cell phone, grounded her again, limited the use of her car(only used for school and work), but she is being so difficult, we would like to know if there is any way to reason with her. Her history is she is a good student, until recently but does have a tendency to want to drink alcohol. We punish her when we know about this and it is not acceptable in our house, but we are lost now...She is a good kid, but has tested us to oblivion!
- We have 2 children: 13 yo daughter and 11 yo son. Our daughter for the most part is a responsible child - she gets up in the morning with no problems, gets her self ready for school, keeps her room clean etc. Our son on the other hand appears very lazy at times and will not accept responsibility for simple things like taking s shower, brushing his teeth, finishing his homework, etc. I will point out one thing and that is we DO NOT compare them to each other - 'you should be more like..." We have tried punishments like taking away his video games, TV, etc. It all works for a few days and then he's back to his grumpy self. I know my husband and I need to do a better job of being consistent with our expectations and potential consequences. But how can I get it to just "click" for our son? Aside from the laziness and irresponsibility, he's a great kid. He does good in school. But it's almost like what he is not interested in is not important. Have you brushed your teeth? Did you put your clothes in the hamper? I know I nag but honestly, if I didn't, his teeth would have rotted out by now and his room would have been condemned! I think one of the biggest issues we have is him not accepting responsibility for his actions when something happens - like he didn't finish his homework - well, Dad wouldn't help me - or he didn't get up for school in time to watch some TV - well, you didn't wake me up in time (although we did try!). I know my husband's expectations are higher because he was a responsible kid so he expects his sonm to be. Personally, I think our son is normal but I want to help nip this in the bud so he can be successful (both at home & school) when he starts middle school in the fall. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks!
- I have 4 children My oldest is 17 in a few months to be 18 He gets honor roll and is very respectful..except when it comes to getting a job. We have tried everything..or at least everything we can think of ..short of kicking him out. I and my husband are fully capable of tough love but Could there be a mental problem to be causing this issue? ie: depression or something along this line.
- Our 14year old son, Ben, is going through all the awful usual teenage stuff. A friend has said her son NEVER COMES OUT OF HIS BEDROOM when he is home and suggested we should let Ben be the same. Is this ok - bit worried about ignoring him.
- I have a 16 year old daughter. She can be a sweet lovable girl. But some times she just get nasty. When she wants something and we don't give it to her or she doesn't hear the answer she wants she threatens not to come home again. She has done this once before where she left home threatening us never to come back and she stayed with a friend for a week. Then she came home. I'm sick about these threats and what control she really has over us. I respect your opinions. Your book "Get Out Of My Life" helped me a lot but doesn't cover this area. Any suggestions. My husband is ready to tell her never to come back. HELP!
- My eighteen year old college freshman got a tattoo. She does not know that I know, however she really knows how much I disapprove. We had discussed how this is not acceptable while she is dependent on my husband and I to pay for college. I am trying to decide how to react. I am furious and am considering significantly decreasing our contribution to her college funds. She would then need to take out loans. Do you have any suggestions about how I should deal with this?
- My 12 soon to be 13 year old daughter has started to be very rude to both me and her dad. We have tried to use calm tones explaining to her that this is not acceptable behavior. She slams doors and always has a smart mouth response. We have taken away privileges like computer time. This punishment doesn't seem to help her attitude toward us. What do we do to get the point across that she can have an opinion just not an attitude.
- I have grandson who has lived with us for the last 4 years he is 17 years old will be 18 in August 2008, he will not accept responsibility. In the last two years he has only 8 credits and needs 22 to graduate from high school. His family life before we got custody was not the greatest but we have tried to make up for some of that by giving him a home, clothes, food, cell phone, t.v., computer and a weekly allowance, etc. He is not trying in school and expects things all the time whether he helps around the house or not (like picking up clothes, taking his clothes and putting them away or just taking out the trash). He needs to go to summer school to take science because he has failed science 3 years and needs 3 credits in science to graduate. The cost is $425.00 which I have told him he will need to pay. That means getting a job after school and on week ends to pay for summer school. All he seems to want to do is hang with his friends and girl friend and of course have a good time just hanging. I have not allowed him to get his learner's permit. I told him you have not shown me you are responsible enough to pass school, why should you drive?? I thought this might make him want to work towards getting passing grades in school so he could drive like all his friends but this has not worried him as his friends drive him places. At least he has stopped smoking which he was skipping lunch and using that money for cigarettes...What am I to do with him???? I have told him if he doesn't go to summer school then he is moving back to his parents. I really want him to succeed but what can I do??? Signed, Concered Granmother
- My 16 year old son is usually a very easy going child. He is pushing the limits lately as far as staying out past dark and not calling or answering his phone to let us know where he is. Last night he refused to be picked up at 11:00pm or let us know where he was. Now what kind of consequence would you suggest? We need him to understand that this is behavior is unacceptable and that as his parents we need to know that he is safe and where he is.
- Hi, I have a 13 y/o son. I am a single mom (for 8 years), his father has chosen not to see them in over 3 years. I need some advice on how to help him, he seems to hold everything inside and it comes out when he and his sister are playing, he can get kind of rough. Now, I know that his sister will egg him on at times, but it's still not right for him to fight with his sister (he'll punch her, push her, etc, never hard enough to hurt her, but I'm not sure it'll always be that way). A note here: The latest problem we've had with the father is that he decided to send both kids birthday presents at the same time, only thing is, he only sent them for my daughter, even after telling them that he was sending both of them gifts. This is an ongoing issue. My son plays baseball, but I really think that he needs another outlet, something involving boys that he can roughhouse with. If not that, then I am thinking of getting him counseling. Any suggestions?? Thank you!
- Last evening my youngest had me get cash for him from the bank. It was $100 all in 10 dollar bills. He laid it on the kitchen island. This morning he was going to put it away, why he did not last night I do not know, and found $30 missing. My other 2 kids swear they did not take it and my husband and I did not take it. Huge fight. My youngest blamed his older brother. Words and fists went flying. My oldest boy swears he did not take. He is now mad that everyone blames him. I told everyone we were having a family meeting tonight and will find the $30. Nobody else was in our house last night. How should of this been handled. Because I think we handled it poorly. Everyone of us is having a terrible day. Family trust has been damaged. Thanks.
- I am writing this to you in the hope that you can help us. My husband and I are having problems with my 14 year old step daughter. Much of the problems we are having stem from her mother. Her mother has her convinced that everything is her father's fault and now that he is married and has children with someone else, that she isn't as important. I myself have always treated her as my own from day one. There are so many things that are bothering us. I'll list some below: 1. Since my step daughter was little, her mother has had boyfriends (even as new as a week) spend the night and enjoy themselves (if you know what I mean) while my step daughter was just down the hall. We remember when she was 6, she asked my husband and I what the strange noises were coming from her Mom's room when her boyfriend was over. My step daughter has also made comments around that same age of knowing where her mom kept her "toys" and big people movies. Now my stepdaughter at 14, is coming over with golf sized hickies on her neck and her Mom seems to think that it's ok. 2. My step daughter's mother seems to think that social activities are more important then education. An example of this is on a Friday when we were to pick her up at the court ordered 7pm,; when we arrived she was not packed for the weekend because she went to the movies with friends even though she had homework (and not just a little) and was failing two of her classes. 3. About a month ago, we got a call from my husband's ex-girlfriend telling him that their daughter was missing. That she never came home from school. The call came in only an hour and a half before we were to pick her up for the weekend. The police did find her. However, when they did, she tried to run and had to be handcuffed to be brought home. When asked why she didn't come home, all she would say was that she was out just walking and thinking. She was thinking and sick of all the negativity going on in her house. Her mother has not made anything easy or can even be civil to my husband and I since we met back in late 1999. That is only some of the things we have had to deal with. There are a lot more, but I don't want to bore you. However, what we are looking for is some advice on how to handle all of this. We are both very scared for my step daughter of either getting raped by any of the men her mother brings over, or because of the example her mother has set, we are afraid that she will get pregnant before she's 18. We want her to have the best life she can, with as many opportunities as possible available. It also does not help that her mother has a Associate degree in accounting, will only work for a temp service so she can decide when she works and has lived in subsidized housing since my stepdaughter was 2 and my husband and his ex girlfriend split up. She lives off the system and that is what my stepdaughter has seen almost all of her life. We are just at a loss. If you can help us in any way, please do. Thank you!
- Hi, my daughter is 16-1/2 and finishing her sophomore year. She recently said she wants to do her junior year living with her dad in another state. It's likely she'll change her mind again, or contemplate doing so, and I'm concerned about the ups and downs of contemplating so much change and freedom effecting her focus and ability do well in these next two years. She tends to be distracted by social and emotional things and some of her grades have recently dropped significantly. I'm thinking that part of this decision may just be a little rebellion since dad, according to her, says she should do what makes her happy and I say she ought to do her homework... that sort of thing. Anyway, she probably has something she needs to experience here, but I would like your input... in particular about how to structure this with some boundaries around when she can change her mind again, and when she'll have to make a commitment and settle in, whichever home she's in. By the way, the school out there starts earlier than her school here. Thank you
- I have recently found out about a problem that my 15 year old had with her step-father (the issue occurred two years ago). The problem was so bad that protective services ordered that she have no contact with him. I have since filed for divorce and initiated family therapy by order of DCF. We were in family therapy prior to this anyway. She is now refusing to go to therapy but I feel that as a family we need this (I also feel she needs individual therapy). She states that she will only do one at a time, not both but now is refusing to do any counseling. What can I say to convince her that this will be beneficial to both of us?
- My son is 13 years old. We talk with each other only a little bit every day.I often try to talk more with him. But he seems to have nothing to talk with me. And he even does not want to answer my question. I am really worried our relationship become worse and worse. Could you tell me what should I do?
- My daughter is 12 and in Jr. High. Lately I've set up a few rules. One for example, is about dating. I feel she is too young and I won't allow it. She says she understands but all her friends date, but she will respect us anyway. No matter what the rule is, if she doesn't like it, she decides behind our back to do it if the opportunity arises anyway. She tells lies and has her friends cover for her (which makes it even worse). When I figure it out and confront her, she gets angry and blames me having to lie. She says if she would have asked me to go to a boys house, I would have said no. Duh, that's why I set up the rule..... so she decides if she doesn't like a rule to take matters into her own hands. I punish her and talk about the morals of the issue, but it just keeps reoccurring. She cries and goes into a terrible quiet stage like a depressive mood and then says it's her fault and she understands why I have to punish her. But then I find out that she does it again. We have a close relationship (or so I though), we speak about most everything. This is just something that has been very recent, and I don't understand. Can you help??? I feel so shut out from her.
- My son is 15 yrs old. I have in ongoing problem with my son playing on his laptop and playing video games when he is to be doing his homework or asleep. He waits until I leave the house or fall asleep. I can't seem to get him to follow the rules in these areas. The consequences have been for me to take the controls for awhile, and once he earned them back he go's back to breaking the rules again. It keeps this cycle going. The laptop is the hardest being he needs it for school research. I would have to sit with him to make sure he is working on his homework and not playing most of the time on his laptop. He's also not a talker, to me, and he lacks eager. He's a good kid, he an A, B student and don't get into outside trouble, but there are so many other areas in his character that I feel I've failed in developing. Do you have any advise for me? Miriam
- My daughter asked to live with her Dad as she missed him and I said "yes" as I know this is important to her. However, I am missing her very much. How can I stay in touch with her (she is in a different state) so she knows that I love her and am always here for her. But I do not want to be too mushy (even though I am a mushy mom! ha! ha!) or inundate her with phone calls and emails. As I want her to enjoy this time with her dad and not feel guilty about leaving her mom. Not sure what to do.
- My 13 1/2 year old daughter feels that we (her parents) don't think she is "good enough" because she won't follow rules. (Like not lying to us, not having a boyfriend till she's older, staying off of MY SPACE, being respectful and cleaning up after herself). When she does these things she is punished by not being able to phone friends, or go out with friends, nothing too harsh. And then she waits a few days and lies again, or is rude or calls boys and is really inappropriate with them. She will not or does not have any interest in communicating with her family, outside of asking to go shopping or other for other entertainment or money. How do I explain so she'll hear me that rules don't mean you aren't "good enough"?
- We have a 13 1/2 yr old son and a 10 1/2 yr old daughter. My son has always been very disrespectful to his sister and lately he has gotten very disrespectful to us (mom & dad) . He seems to be worst to my husband he has told him to shout up or called him a loser or refuse to do something he has asked him to do. I'm stricter with my son then he is. My son is ADHD and very impulsive. I think my husband needs to be stricter with him and he thinks we just need to pick are battles with my son because other then this he is a real good kid. I am very afraid that its going to get worst if we don't get control of it now. What should we do?
- Last night the Sherriff brought my son home at 12:30am. He had gone out again after being home the first time. The rest of our family had gone to sleep as we were supposed to leave on a weekend trip to the river early this morning. My son was with his friends roaming the streets...He had set off a firework while a car was coming up the street. Fireworks are illeagle in our county and there is a $1,000. fine for anyone who uses them. Luckily the Sherrif decided not to cite him/them and brought him home. We are so upset. My husband and two other kids went on the trip. I stayed home with our son. What is an appropriate punishment/consequences) for #1 dis-obeying by leaving after we were asleep, #2 setting off the firework (it was his, he took it from a 4th of July party in Orange County where fireworks are legal) #3 possibly endangering a driver of an oncomming car...and/or himself or his friends... He knows what he did was wrong and is insisting they didn't mean any harm.... Help...
- I have a daughter with ODD/ADD. She was/is very rebellious and anti-authority. She is extremely violent and cusses like a sailor. When she turned 18 things got alot worse, because she was legally an adult and she got even more extreme. She would get right up in my face and cuss me out like you wouldn't believe. She would do NO chores around the house or help in any way. If you asked her to do anything, you would get cussed like you wouldn't believe. She slapped me a few times, and shoved me into the wall more than once. She kicked me in the stomach so hard once that I blacked out for a few seconds. When she gets violent, she seems to have the strength of three of very large man. The more she was confronted, the worse things got. She would threaten to kill us all the time. It was very scary living with her. I have a son who is 6 years younger than her. She was very mean and violent to him also. One day she was cussing me like a sailor, and her Dad stepped in and told her that this kind of behavior wasn't going to be tolerated anymore, and that if she was going to live here, she would have to change. Well, she moved out that same day, right across the driveway with my parents. They are in their 70's and are catering to her like theres no tomorrow. All they want is for her to like them. They are paying all of her bills, and letting her live off of them with out a job or anything. When she lived with us she was going to college. Granted, she flunked out of almost every class she took, but at least she was makng an attempt. She also had a part time job from the time she was 16. Now that shes living over there with them, and this has been going on for 7 months now, she has had no job the whole time. She got fired from her last job for calling off too much. Shes not going to college. All she does is play World of Warcraft on her laptop (which they bought for her) all night, and sleeps all day. They allow her to have her bf sleepover with her (something that did not go on over here). My husband and I are at our witts end. She is now 20 years old, and is regressing more all the time. The longer shes over there, the worse it gets. They pay all of her bills of course, since she won't work. They pay her health insurance (which she had free as long as she lived here and was in college), they pay her car insurance, they bought her a 4500.00 car., and to top it off, they provide her with spending money. Does any of this make sense to you ? Everyone thinks they are crazy for doing this, but they won't listen to anyone. I don't think they are doing our daughter any favors by all of this. One day she will wake up and they will be gone, and then what will she do? She won't know how to take care of herself at all. She may be 30 or so by then, and won't know how to deal with life. I also think she has some mental issues other than the ODD/ADD going on, but theres no way to get her to go for help now that shes 20. She lives in absolute filth, and will not clean anything up. When she lived over here, when it got bad enough I would fumigate and clean the room. But over there, they allow her to eat back in the room, and she never cleans up after herself. There will be dished sittng around in the floor from a month ago, and old food laying everywhere. They also allowed her to get two birds, which fly loose in the room. They poop on everything, and she never cleans it up. They poop in her bed, on her blankets and pillows, and she just sleeps with it. That is just filthy and unhealthy. The floor of the room has clutter and trash several inches deep, that she just walks on. She never cleans it up and they don't make her . She does absolutely nothing to help them out over there either. Thats the same as it was over here. But they are old, and she is living free off of them. The least she could do is the laundry, which she doesn't . This entire situation has caused alot of hard feelings in our family. They cater to her, no matter what the cost to anyone else. They have two grandkids, but they do nothing for my son. He is the one who helps them out all the time. He cuts their grass for them, and he helps out at the barn, and in the garden. He gets no credit for doing any of this, and the grandkid who is mooching off them is treated like a queen. I just don't understand them at all. I know you don't have a solution for this, but could you please give me your ideas and/or suggestions/advice. Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated.
- For years my son who is 17 now..has given us great difficulty. First it was trouble in school with grades etc., then it was drugs and now it is his defiance, rebellion and obvious disrespect. For instance, he has been grounded recently because he went to the movies without permission. So when he asked tonight to please go to the movies..we said no because of what happened recently. He stormed out of the house and went anyways. How do we deal with his defiance. My first idea was locking him out of the house...but I suppose that won't solve any problems. Any suggestions?
- we are totally fed up with our 14 yr old daughter, disrespect, not following rules, no myspace, do chore(dishes) w/out being told, no phone if grounded, i could go on and on. she had a cell phone, it was taken because she was text to chatting with guys she didn't know. she never goes to friends because for some reason she would rather that than introduce us and give us #s and addresses. the only place she really goes is her cousins, she is 23ish, there she can do whatever because the cousin is irresponsible herself. but we give in every so often because she is always home. we have a park a block away but she cant go there w/ getting in trouble! boys omg she has got caught skipping school for 3 hrs w/ a boy. she has run away a few times in the past 2 yrs, the last time(spring) we had to have the police get her. she is her fathers only child and she is the only one at home, he has done everything he could for her, she gets everything she needs and most of what she wants(the wants are dwindleing). she knows how to get what she wants from him, she will ask, ask, ask, ask, ask every chance she get when she gets him alone. we have found notes from her to boys with swearing, bad talk about both of us, etc. one said she was ready to give him oral sex! I AM SOOO FED UP! can any one help?? thank you
- i HAVE NOT HAD CUSTODY OF MY DAUGHTER FOR ALMOST 7 YEARS. SHE IS 15 YEARS OLD. LAST YEAR HER FATHER WAS HAVING TERRIBLE PROBLEMS WITH HER. SHE WAS 51/50 3 TIMES IN 6 MONTHS. SHE WAS DEFIANT. HER FATHER DREW UP A TRIAL CUSTODY FORM, DROPPED HER OFF AT MCDONALDS AND SAID EITHER YOU TAKE HER OR SHE GOES TO FOSTER CARE. I DID TAKE HER THAT NIGHT, THAT WAS 15 MONTHS AGO, IN THAT TIME, WE GREW VERY CLOSE, I HAD HER COUNSELED, I SPENT EVERY SECOND WITH HER, ADORED HER. SHE WAS READY TO START A NEW SCHOOL FOR 10TH GRADE LAST WEEK, AND HER FATHER DECIDED TO TAKE HER BACK. SHE WENT WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING BACK, I AM SHOCKED, HE WAS ABUSIVE TO HER, HIT HER, YELLED AT HER, THEY FOUGHT DAILY. WITH ME WE NEVER FOUGHT, SHE IS MY ANGEL, I AM HAVING A REAL HARD TIME WITH THIS. I THINK SHE WANTS TO BE BACK WITH HER FRIENDS, BUT SHE JUST LEFT AND REALLY DOSENT REALIZE WHAT DAMAGE THIS IS GOING TO DO. PLEASE HELP ME, IM SCARED, AND ALL ALONE.
- My boyfriend has an 18 year old daughter. She lives in Virginia with her mother, he in NJ. He and his former wife do not have a good relationship - it is acrimonious, yet the ex wife phones him constantly - even in the middle of the nite because she cannot handle the daughter. The divorce was bitter with the wife keeping a "near million dollar home" and he moved to jersey into a little one bedroom rental. he maintained two jobs for a year to pay his debts (for the house and other things they'd purchased) and for child support and alimony (the latter which he still pays to date). Meanwhile, the mother and daughter purchase trendy clothes, mother drives a Mercedes and the father has purchased the phone and pays for the phone service for his daughter. Once the daughter, "B" turned 18, she has become worse than ever. Some of the earlier issues I observed (during my two year relationship with this man) are: 1. at 17 yrs old, she stole her mother's credit card to purchase a $1,000 dog (teacup pup) online because she wanted to resemble Paris Hilton. When discovered the parents allowed her to keep the dog but she had to ultimately get a job (waitressing) to pay her mother back. 2. She had already, at 17 dropped out of high school because she hates school 3. After the theft incident with her mother, her father gave "B" his credit card information over the phone because "B" wanted to buy a pair of shoes. I overheard this and asked him if he was crazy. He said she PROMISED to only use it for the shoes. She did not. She also used it to pay a $300 or so vet payment for her dog...telling him that her mother told her to do it... 4. He has tried to get her to enroll in college (she finally got her GED after several tries) and he bought her a new car (incredible!) so she could drive to school. Well, she is NOT going to enroll in school, she drove out of state to North Carolina in the car without telling her mother or father where she was going....she stays out and does not meet curfew...does not call...has not been returning his calls or her mother's calls....and now.... He is extremely stressed. constantly checking his phone, even in middle of the nite. His ex wife calls even more often...and this is extremely hard for me to watch. I cannot say anything because if I comment, he defends the daughter. I thought it was insane that he would let her keep the phone when she disrespects him by not even answering his calls or responding to him. AND that he bought her a car and is letting her keep it when it was under the condition that she go to school and behave. He and I will likely not be together long because this is the most toxic family relating I have ever known. What suggestions do you have for Him, as a father who did NOT live with his daughter since she was 10...but rather saw her occasionally..although spoke daily with her multiple times. What can he do now? if she answers the phone, she laughs at him or hangs up on him! She treats him almost like a bad friend, certainly not as a parent. It's sickening to watch. Any advise is greatly appreciated. thank you! Rose
- We have a 16 year old daughter and a 12 year old son - children of my husband's first marriage and therefore stepchildren to me. The 16 year old has decided for various reasons that she hates me. She is hostile to me, ignores me outright, walks away when I try and talk to her, refuses to do chores or at least argues about it and then does a lousy job. She sits at the dinner in sullen silence and only speaks when she decides something her dad or brother says is "stupid." Mostly she avoids eating dinner here. She dislikes the facts that we have some basic rules here - like take your shoes off when you enter the house, clean up if you make a mess, help clean up after dinner two nights a week (whoopee) and do a chore when asked to do so. None of this happens when she is with her mother, and therefore she resents it. I try to be nice to her but on occasion we've had yelling matches when she outright refused to do what she had repeatedly over the course of a week been asked to take the garbage from her room and place if in the can outside the back door - a 30-second task at best. Her take on this was "I DON'T take out the garbage." Her Dad has tried to explain that we are not her servants and that she needs to make a contribution to our family. Unfortunately she doesn't see me as part of her family at all. Any suggestions? Talking to her doesn't seem to help. Would a family meeting help at all? Or? I really am at the end of my rope and this has been extremely difficult on our marriage. Wendy
- My daughter will be 16 in October. She is grounded for sneaking out less than a week ago. She cried and explained how sorry she is again. I plan to move her room upstairs and have not done it yet. She cannot use the phone or IM, yet she has used both anyway. I had to tell her several times to get off the computer before she listened. She talks back and puts that lil “I dont care” grin on her face or the “that doesn’t bother me, whatever” grin when I threaten things like not getting learners. Now I am so frustrated that I told her if she cannot talk to me with respect (oh she was disrespectful today in front of another adult talking to me) then I will take her off the cheerleading squad since nothing else seems to work. She still acted like she didn't care. She always has to have the last word telling me to be quiet or something. What do you think? Do you think that would be wrong even though nothing else seems to work? What do I do to get through to her. My husband and I are separated at the moment because of her mouth which turned into a confrontation between her and my husband (her step-dad). I'm under a lot of pressure being that I have been a stay-home-mom for the last five years (I have a 3.5 yr old son too), and I'm about to start my 3rd of school, and now school starting and all the activities that go along with it (one is high school & one in K), with financial concerns as well. I have to get a job in the mix of all this. I'm getting ready to head to Christian counseling now. I'm looking to the Lord for direction, and praying that my husband and daughter's heart is receptive and willing to follow the same path. Please help me gain control and respect from her.
- My husband and I have recently become the guardian of his 14 year old nephew. We do not have children of our own, so we have no parenting experience. His mother has given him quite a lot of freedom, but now that he's here in So. Cal., I worry about him and feel I should know his whereabouts. He feels that I'm trying to keep him a prisoner, when in fact all I ask is that he let me know where he is. How can I get through to him that I am only trying to protect him. I want him to have friends and be a normal teen, but I now have a huge responsibility, not only to him, but to his mother. I don't feel that I'm being unreasonable.
- My 17 year old daughter, who has always been extremely responsible and who has never disappointed us in any way, just caught me checking up on her. I called the parent of her best friend of 14 years to verify she was staying with them overnight. She is very upset and believes I do not trust her. How should I react to her anger? Should I say I'm sorry?
- My 17 year old son purchased an i-phone with his own money, and pays the monthly bill associated with it. I recently looked through his text messages and saw that he was saying things about me that weren't true. It appears as though he is trying to fit in with others whose parents may do some of those things. An example - he said that I called him while he was at work and then yelled at him for answering - that he should be concentrating on his job! I never call him while he is working. Another example - he said that I used some of his money to buy myself a car - and he knows that there is no way I did, or would do that. He also said that he can't quit his job because I need his money - which is so far from the truth that it is ridiculous. These texts are to people that he plays online games with - they are not from our area of the country - so no one knows they are lies. Why is he doing this?
- We tell our kids to "choose good friends". What happens if they don't? Our daughter is 13 and is now in school with a girl in our neighborhood that we are not happy about. When we talk to my daughter about this she gets very upset and says I am being unfair, that this girl is really nice...I can't pin anything specific on the friend other then what we see. We see how she "controls" our daughter and my daughter now does not make any plans or wants to do anything without this friend. They have others they hang with, but this friend seems to have control over her. Again if I try to promote her "hanging" with anyone else she gets very upset saying that I am wrong about her friend and she would hang with others but she prefers this friend (who calls to see what our daughter is doing constantly). Any suggestions or should we ease up and watch what direction this moves then react if there is an issue that is more definable?
- I have a 12 y old daughter who is difficult for me to handle. I fight daily battles with her surrounding responsibility and respect. She is now beginning to tune out and losing her attachment to me (which used to be very strong). I think we need professional help. We are currently not living in the US (we are on a work relocation for 2 y; yes I know this is part of the problem) and I wonder whether there are internet based counselling services available for people who do not have easy access to counselling in their communities.
- For an 18 year old living at home when not attending school, how early should we ask for her to come home when she is out with friends? Thanks.
- I can talk to my son 12 yo about just about anything except his father. We've been divorced 8 years or so. He hasn't moved on. My son crys whenever you mention his name. I get the feeling that he's making him feel like he's going to be his caretaker. Michael (son) wrote him a letter and told him it's ok to move back up north with his family, which was a very mature thing to do. But he wrote him back and told Michael he'll never leave him. He only see's him every other weekend and Michael getting busy with his sports and as his becoming a teenager he's going to want more freedom to spent more time with his friends. He couldn't be more blunt. His father is a loner and Michael is feeling very sorry for him. But on the other hand he needs to have a life to. What do we do!!!! HELP.
- Is it healthy for a 14 year old male to be asked by his father to rub his back all the time?
- So much of the parenting information I have been digesting has been helpful in everyday use, however; I have a situation that I have not really seen addressed in either written or video form, through James Lehman's programs. Many of the discipline and behavior challenges seem to include kids who are not motivated or who get poor grades. I have a grown and married daughter whom I did not have the same issues with that I do with the 14+ daughter and 16+ son I am still raising. These two are extremely successful in academics and never have been asked to do homework. The 16 year old has been a Mensa member since age 14 and the 14 year old is now testing for it. My situation is that my daughter has always been very high maintenance, has little patience with any frustrations and has been directing that attitude toward me exclusively for the last 1-1/2 years. My son does so only occasionally, but they have been known to gang up to get their way. What is difficult in following through with Lehman's suggestion of, "no excuse for abuse" is that their words to me can be very cutting, hurtful and disrespectful to the point that I am crying, yet when I do follow through with the 'abuse' phrase, they basically share that if I didn't behave so stupidly they wouldn't get frustrated... intimating that I am dumb. As they get older and accomplish more academically, the chasm between my barely graduating high school and their obvious IQ ranges, fuels this faulty perception. While I am not gifted like they are, I am a very successful business woman with a great reputation and a one of kind career that I have carved out over the last 23 years without a college education...and I don't suffer self esteem issues about the lack of college. I would love to read articles or see James Lehman give advice for families like mine, that don't know what to say when it's obvious that grades and test scores give them a false sense of thinking they are more qualified to raise themselves and disrespect the parent who doesn't make those same marks. Thank you.
- My 15 yr. old daughter is a snot! She's rude,and lazy,and always asking for money. I've tried taking away her cell phone as punishment, but she's alot stronger than I am ,and she hides her phone from me. I need help in gaining control over this. How do I do it?
- 18 yr old son, not feeling that great about himself physically & emotionally - comes from a loved family and I don't know what to do to help. I make sure we spend time together for conversation, etc on a daily basis. Just no motivated, feels he needs some help, not interested in counseling - what can I do? Thank you in advance for your time and input.
- Ok, I have three teenagers, oldest is off at college, but late last year decided against my wishes, to move in with my ex husband, her father. He didn't support my position and as a result, let her have unfounded freedom. She managed to graduate, after almost failing college English and life went on. She is a wonderful person and it was a huge surprise and very hurtful for me, at times I just kept telling myself there is a lesson to be learned and I will find out what as time goes by. Now, my question is about my other two teenagers, my son is 15 and youngest daughter 13. I have continued to request/ask my ex husband to please communicate with the adult parent, me in regards to the younger teenagers. Without warning over and over again, I am always surprised my his request to the kids, not me, he will call them on there cell phones or in person ask them to do things with him and then the kids are surprised when I say NO! This is really a bigger issue then I can explain, however, it is hurting my ability to parent and in the back of their minds and now verbally, they think they can do whatever they want whenever they want because they have seen their oldest sister, now 18 mind you, leave our house and live with their father and get away with whatever she wanted. They have verbally advised me they can do whatever they want, they are old enough to make those decisions?! Hello, I am the parent! I don't have a master plan, however I do have their best interest. How do I keep things in perspective? How do I as the Mother deal with my ex's continual disrespect for my decisions?
- What do you do with an 18 year old who stays in their room, goes to work and sleeps. He already graduated also. Frustrated
- My boyfriend and I live together with our children, his 5 and my 3. Of the 8, 5 are teenagers ranging from 15-18, with 3 younger children ages 10, 11 & 12. My boyfriends daughter which is one of triplets, is driving me absolutely out of my mind. She has been seeing a therapist for over 1 1/2 as has all of his children. The therapist believes she has a behavioral disorder. She has nothing to do with her mother nor has she seen the mother in 1 1/2 years. She is a manipulating liar. I am not exaggerating...everyday she feels the need to start in with me, and which it always turns to yelling and screaming to the point I feel I need to yell back. I think she is bipolar. Her mother is and is on permanent disability due to it. I have researched the subject and shown him, but he does not want to change her therapist. Which I understand, but why won't he consider a second opinion as she can have both illnesses. I feel like I am being beaten up everyday and the emotional and mental abuse this child causes to not only me, but his children and my children is over the top. My boyfriend is at wits end with her and he doesn't know what to do. Everyday there is a new incident with her and I tell him...I feel like he doesn't hear me...says he talks to her with hope for it it to sink in...but bam the next day the same crap happens. She is good at her game...because normally she will not do it in front of him its done before he comes home from work. I am to the point that I can not stand her to be around me...near me or even have to listen to her. I am so sick over this and I just can't figure out what to do anymore. I can't get through to my boyfriend and I feel like I need to be the one to come up with the answer and fix it. I feel as if I do not get any support from him...if I tell him about the incident he starts yelling at me asking me what do I want him to do? I am at a loss here, my gut tells me to get out and at the same time that is what his daughter is hoping for, and my heart tells me to stay. I truly love my boyfriend and his other children as if they were mine, but his daughter is poison and is coming between he and I and our family. Please any and all advise is welcomed.
- I am in a predicament with my 14 yr old son. My husband, his father just died and I believe that he never spoke with our son about sex, etc. My son asked if dad was going to talk with at all about this subject. This was a couple of months ago, and when he died still had not had THE TALK with our son. What should I do? How do I address this issue with my son from a male perspective? HELP
- I have a new 13 yr. old grand-daughter. My daughter and her dad were married this past March.Because she wants equal time with both natural parents, and this was granted by the judge, no child support. Her mother insisted that she see a child psychologist to determine if she is mentally capable of this decision. Since she has been to therapy four times,her attitude has become different. she groans-whines-complains of stomach ache when asked to do homework or anything.If her dad refuses anything she threatens to call her mom to go "home" and most likely she does the same thing to her mom. Is this a common reaction to Therapy? ( she adores her new step-mom) thank you
- My daughter is 15 and moving toward being sexually active. I disapprove but she just doesn't see anything wrong with her behavior and feels she is smart enough not to do anything stupid. I worry about her reputation and of course her health. She talks about being more like a guy in her attitude about relationships and I feel if she continues down this path she will regret her behavior later. It is really against my better judgement to allow her to continue, but I know I can't control her behavior, how can I help her understand that her behavior can have long lasting negative consequences?
- My son 16 year old son is seeing a girl his father and I do not approve of. How should I talk to him about this matter.
- Is it ever okay to say "your not old enough" when a teen asks to do something? Is this really a fair reason or is it an easy way out? My daughter who is 16 and will be 17 next May has always had friends a few years older than her as she is on many sports teams at school with older kids. She is in grade 11 and some of her older friends (who are probably 18) are going to visit friends who are away at University in a city 2hrs by bus from our city. They would stay over night in the dorm for 2 nights and then come home? My daughter knows all the kids they are going to visit. I think she is mature for her age but I really don't want her to spend 2 nights at a college dorm? She will be going away to university when she is 18. Am I being fair? Should her age be the determining factor?
- I was wondering why there are no articles on being a step parent of a teenager. I am a step mom to 4 kids and a biological mom to 3, totally 7 kids, which as you can imagine is a handful. Not to mention my husband and I both work full time. The toughest thing is knowing how to discipline my stepdaughter appropriately. The easiest thing would be to have her father do it, but I spend the most time with her and he usually forgets, doesn't follow through, or does nothing. No major issues, but it is tough as I don't want to be considered a step monster and I am comfortable with the boys, but she will go back and complain about me to her mom. Any suggestions? THANKS
- We have an adopted daughter from India who is 12. I would like to know how we should handle/react to her. When we try to have a discussion with her regarding maybe discontinuing something she's involved in or being able to go or do something she becomes very defensive and talks back. Always interrupts with smart remarks and facial expressions. Also when we have tried to help her with school work (i.e. she didn't get all the information on an assignment and rather than talk to the teacher, she just didn't hand it in. We suggested to her that she double-check with the teacher that she has the right assignment information, and she just says no to all our suggestions - she will not do that.) Pretty much when we say "black she says white". Can you give me any tips on dealing with this type of behavior???
- I have a question for the counselor-As a single parent with a teen in her first year of college-how can I be aware of what she is up to in her personal life-and offer her support? We have had many conflicts in the past-and I know she is sexually active and her boyfriend goes to the same school and I fear she is enjoying her sexual side. I found pictures posted on my cell phone acct of her breasts that she had sent to someone (who?). I would like to see her in counseling but and not sure how to approach this with her- any help is appreciated- thank you Donya in Atlanta.
- when my teen daughter did not return from her father's house, I called to ask if she was staying the night. She claimed she had already told me she was to stay over, and she had not. Apply this scenario to hundreds of other situations where the teen lies to you to cove him or herself---there is no way to prove who is right, except through a battle of wills, which I can not accept -- or handle. I have begun texting her : when will you be home? that way I have her response it in writing. But there is still trouble... Any suggestions? NH parent
- Our family is in crisis! We have been in UK for 10 months and are returning to a new state CA in December we previously lived in OH. Our 14 yr old son gifted 139 IQ with ADD he is defiant and lacks respect fro his parents. Recently he became aggressive and bit his dad. This was the last straw for his Dad and he says I chose between my son or him. We also have a 13 yr old daughter.My husband has been emotionally unavailable for my son over the past year and does not speak with him. My husband does not believe in therapy. But has never tried it. I do believe in therapy. My husband wants to send my son to boarding diciplined school. But says he no longer wants any communication with my son. I agree my son needs help, but we need to work as a family to get him better. Please any suggestions? HELP