#3 Talk to Other Parents

When San Francisco mom Sheila B.’s daughter, Audrey, started high school, Sheila said Audrey really wanted to test the limits. “Teens will always say everyone’s curfew is later than theirs,” says Sheila. “But it’s probably not the case. During her freshman year we organized a dinner with a group of Audrey’s new friends’ parents and found everyone to be on the same page. It’s not like grade school where you meet people when you drop your kids off or spend time volunteering; you really have to make an effort to meet other parents.” Some middle and high schools today offer a myriad of ways for parents to communicate, from online parenting networks to regular parent education meetings. Getting involved with your children’s schools’ Parent Teacher Associations or Organizations is another excellent way to meet other parents.

#4 Stay Connected

Maintain an open line of communication with your teenagers. Without lecturing, make sure you talk to them about your expectations, including your concerns. Wendy of Orange says, “When I told my son, Nolan, recently to wear a seatbelt when he was being driven home by another teen, he became exasperated and told me that all kids today know that. That’s when I realized that all of the skills, values, or lessons I want him to have are actually already in there somewhere.”

Expert View:

David Walsh, Ph.D. is founder and president of the National Institute on Media and the Family and a leading authority on parenting. He is also the author of Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen.

“There are several factors to consider on deciding when to expand your teen’s privileges,” says Dr. Walsh. “First, consider how your kids are handling their current responsibilities; if they’re doing a good job, they may be ready to accept more. It’s critical to talk to other parents to find out not only what they’re doing—how late they’re setting curfews, how much freedom they’re granting—but also so you know the parents of your child’s friends. And most importantly, research tells us that the teens who get into the least serious trouble have the strongest connection with the adults in their lives. That doesn’t mean you’re in their face all the time, but it does mean you should stay connected and involved with your teenagers.” Walsh points to making your home a warm and inviting place that inspires your kids to invite their friends over so you get to know their friends, too.

Julie Mitchell is a San Francisco-based freelance writer who focuses on writing about parenting, technology, and food. She has an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of San Francisco and is the parent of two teenagers. She recently started a blog about parenting teens at http://teenqueenmom.blogspot.com/.

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