It's Not Cool to Be Cool To Your Kids

"The style of parenting today very much involves being a friend to your child," says Tom Hedrick, a director and founding member of Partnership for a Drug-Free America. "Many parents want to appear ‘cool' to their teens, but those of us in the field would remind parents that when it comes to drugs, this is a very different day than when we were growing up." Hedrick would agree with Tanya's approach but recommends adding a warning. "Tell your teen, ‘I was lucky enough to get through it, but I expect you not to use drugs and if you do there will be consequences.' Kids actually appreciate those limits and can use ‘my parents will kill me' as a way to resist peer pressure."

Matt McGee, a high school counselor from central Pennsylvania with over 20 years of experience, believes that "the role of the parent is not to be a buddy or a friend" to their teens. "Don't lie to your kids, but maintain your role as an authority figure." He points out that teens need someone to rebel against, and it should be the parent, but "if Dad was a ‘junkie' how does the kid top that?"

McGee also takes exception with parents who want to be "cool" in their children's eyes. "For example, the father who is the first to turn on his son and his friends to pot. The friends might see the father as cool, but his own son might think otherwise." Unable to process this experience, the teen might feel he has to experiment with different, more dangerous drugs in order to one-up his father.
Bill answered Brian's question about his rebellious youth, but he decided to give his son a "reduced version of the truth," so that Brian wouldn't view his father's past bad behavior as sanction to do the same. Bill also cited the state's drunk driving laws in order to leave no doubt in Brian's mind how strongly he felt about drinking and driving.

• Previous Page
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• Next Page

Issue: November 2007