HOW TO NEGOTIATE THOSE BOUNDARIES AND KEEP BOTH SIDES HAPPY
The Parents
“I do the cleaning, but she does the throwing out. I wouldn´t know what´s trash and what she wants to keep. I don´t rearrange her stuff, but if she can't find something she needs for school it´s her problem. I don't write an excuse.”
Marisa, parent of a girl, 13
“I don´t make a big fuss but try to get into his room every day or so to look around the room to see what hasn´t been picked up from the day before. If it´s looking bad, I´ll tease him, 'Are you saving this empty gum wrapper to put in a scrapbook? That's usually enough to get him to throw it out.”
Maria, mother of boy, 14
“Happy? Forget about it if you´re a parent who needs to have things in order. Negotiation isn´t an option when only one side (parents) is willing to negotiate. In the end, it´s the parents who compromise. The aim is to win the war, despite losing battles along the way. By winning the war,' I mean having our daughters grow up to be good people, with strong values and a desire to serve others.”
Al, parent of two girls, 17 and 18
The Kids
“Find something that everyone can agree on, like a paint color, or if a teen wants to hang a poster, hang it so there won't be any marks later. When it comes to cleaning your room, maybe have a day that it has to be cleaned by. I have too much homework on weekdays to make sure my room is spotless but I try to have it clean by the end of the weekend or if people are coming over.”
Jen, 16
“Negotiating rules can be hard, because the possibility of instantly making both sides happy is very small. A lot of compromises should be made, but parents should try to be liberal, since this is the one room in the house that a teen can call his own.”
Dan, 15
“To me, my room is the only place where I can truly express my creativity and where I can lock myself up and just be by myself sometimes. So, I really wish my parents would stop having such a big problem with how I keep my room, because it's the only place where I can be me.”
Ana, 13
Ron Searle 08/26/08
The room is their's...on loan. They earn their privacy by keeping their space clean and livable. Once a parent is suspicious of things goin on, it's up to them to find out what's going on by asking their teen first and then, if need be, more sneaky measures. --from Ron at www.arivacaboysranch.com
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