SHOULD PARENTS SET BOUNDARIES ON A TEEN’S PREFERENCES?
The Parents
“We’ve had issues in the past about him locking his door at night. I think this would be a scary situation if we ever had a fire and he was in there sound asleep. He doesn’t lock it anymore.”
Cathy, parent of boy, 14
“Our main issues are neatness and cleanliness. In theory, this means: clothing off the floor, stuff picked up and put away or piled neatly. In reality, it doesn’t get there. Our kids’ rules are: No entering without permission. Parents do not get to throw away any possession of the teenager’s without permission. If the trust is breached, the rules can’t work.”
Anika, parent of two girls, 13 and 18
“We have a no-foodupstairs rule, and the room has to be picked up every two weeks so it can be vacuumed and dusted. I change her sheets every week.”
Lainie, parent of a girl, 15
The Kids
“Kids should have to keep their rooms somewhat clean. But it’s impossible to have it clean all the time. Usually, I make myself clean it because I don’t like a messy room. Anything that leaves a permanent mark, like painting the room, hanging up pictures, etc., a parent should get a say in.”
Jen, 16
“I personally would prefer that my parents (or anyone else) not enter my room without my permission when I’m not there. But it doesn’t work out that way. I think the only case in which parents should enter their teen’s room is when they suspect something might be seriously wrong. Otherwise, it’s a major violation of trust.”
Martin, 17
“As long as it’s not inappropriate, it’s my decision what goes in my room and how messy it is or isn’t. My mom and I don’t fight about this, so I guess she thinks the state of my room is mostly appropriate.”
Joey, 15
“My parents are really open about what I have on my walls. I don´t have anything completely crazy in my room and they are fine with my choices. As long as I'm not knocking holes in the wall or anything like that, they pretty much let me do what I want. On the other hand, my mom does nag me about cleaning my room, which gets on my Nerves. Eventually, I do clean it.”
Ben, 14
Ron Searle 08/26/08
The room is their's...on loan. They earn their privacy by keeping their space clean and livable. Once a parent is suspicious of things goin on, it's up to them to find out what's going on by asking their teen first and then, if need be, more sneaky measures. --from Ron at www.arivacaboysranch.com
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