OFFER SUPPORT AND TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE PICTURE
"Parents say they just want what's best for their child," says a Mamaroneck (NY) High School counselor. "But then I'll ask the student, and it's very clear that what the parent wants is not what the student wants. Putting pressure like that on a teen really jeopardizes the parent-teen relationship."
"My parents have kept encouraging me," Kyle says. "They have always reminded me that they are so proud of me, and told me that ...everything will work out. I really believe them."
Whether your teen gets into Harvard or a state school, whether you get fulfillment from his piano recital or her Model U.N. speech, it's really not about you. In the end, your teens' achievements are just baby steps on the big journey toward adulthood. So let them fall or fly on their own-just offer them support, which is after all, the ultimate prize-winning move of a parent in the eyes of a teen.
Penny Hastings, CA 12/10/08
Nowhere is the pressure more extreme than on the student-athlete who is expected to excel in the classroom as well as on the playing field, plus doing community service and whatever else they can fit into their harried schedules. Alan Davids makes a very good point. It's hard not to pressure kids to succeed when the colleges themselves seem to want more and more from the student applicants. However, there are thousands of colleges and universities in the U.S. Most kids will get a sound education from just about any one of them. What makes such a pressure cooker for kids is that they (and their parents) want them to go to the most elite. In athletics, too many parents and kids feel that the NCAA Division I schools are best. Not so! They are perhaps the most sports competitive, but many other schools have excellent athletic programs and top-notch academics. Students (and their parents) should open up their searches and stop pressuring themselves (their kids) to strive for the most well-known or prestigious schools.
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