Third: Remember who’s applying to college (hint: it’s NOT YOU).

As parents, we have an overwhelming sense of how terribly important this process is – much more than most of the actual applicants. This leads to an almost irresistible urge to simply take over and get it done, like we did with their fifth grade science project. It was a bad idea then, and it’s a bad idea now. Soon your beloved teen is going to be On His/Her Own, and you won’t be around to Do Things for them. Matthews suggests that the best role for the parent is Keeper of the Timeline. “Help them organize, create a checklist. You don't want them to blow any deadlines.” Sure, you should proofread their application and essays. But beyond that, try and take a back seat.

Fourth: Relax. Your kid will get in somewhere.

It’s important to remember – in fact, write this down and put it on the refrigerator – that The National Association of College Admission Counseling says 69.9% of college applicants are accepted. That’s two out of three. I wish I had those odds in Vegas. And as Arlene Matthews says, “It’s not where you go, it’s who you are.”

And last: it’s actually worth it.

I learned just how creative, independent, and organized – how ready for college – my daughter was by working with her on the applications…and by letting her take the lead. And it became an opportunity to work side-by side with her one last time. When the smoke and tears (mostly mine) finally cleared, I realized I was glad to have been part of it. And best of all, we even managed to successfully apply to four separate colleges without killing each other. (Note I said, successfully apply. The story isn’t over…but at least this process is.)

And now I’m on to my next reading assignment: I'll Miss You Too: An Off-to-College Guide for Parents and Students.

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Issue: February 2008