Excerpted from Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy! Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind, by Michael J. Bradley, Ed.D., published by Harbor Press. Excerpt printed under special arrangement with Harbor Press, Inc. Copyright © by Michael J. Bradley.
The following excerpt is from Michael Bradley’s book that tells parents exactly how to build respect with their “new millennium adolescent” and calm the craziness.
Virtually every piece of research confirms that teenagers who respect their parents have a much greater chance of surviving adolescence with only a few scrapes. When kids are young, you can get by as a parent using their fear or their extreme dependence on you. In adolescence, you must have their respect. In describing competent parents of adolescents, we keep coming back to a maddeningly vague definition: They maintain an elusive balance of firmness and nurturing. They have the respect of their kids. But exactly what creates respect?
If I could bottle it, I’d be on Oprah. If I could define it, I’d be on the Supreme Court. Like pornography, it’s much easier to spot than to define, let alone teach. I can see it when it walks into my office with some families. I can also see the black hole it leaves when it’s missing, sucking up all of the warmth, love, and hope in a family. Let me tell you what your kids say about respect.
What Your Kid Says Increases His Respect for You
Some of the comments you’ve heard yourself. Others may surprise you, but they are all typical thoughts kids share with me about this respect issue. Maybe you can figure out how you can use this for yourself. Be forewarned, though, it’s a tough list.
He says he respects your honesty, particularly the hard kind where you admit to your mistakes.
She says she respects your consistency, like when you keep trying every night to help her with her homework, even though she coldly rejects you.
He secretly loves that you keep showing up for his games even when he says he doesn’t care.
She admires how you always offer affection without begging for or demanding it in return.
He says that not taking yourself too seriously makes him respect you. The fact that you laugh at your own goofs helps him listen to you about his.
yvonne allsopp, Mount Vernon, NY 02/16/08
This article is so needed; I often feel like I am not "doing it right" then I read these articles and realize there are no perfect parents and so many of us are dealing with similar situations. Thank you for your straightforwardness
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