Be Specific About Your Concerns
Tell your child what you see and how you feel about it. Be specific about the things you have observed that cause concern. Make it known if you found drug paraphernalia (or empty bottles or cans). Explain exactly how his behavior or appearance (bloodshot eyes, different clothing) has changed and why that worries you. Tell him that drug and alcohol use is dangerous (and may lead to other risky behaviors, such as sex and violence) and it’s your job to keep him away from things that put him in danger.
Remain Calm and Connect with Your Child
Have this discussion without getting mad or accusing your child of being stupid or bad or an embarrassment to the family. Be firm but loving with your tone and try not to get hooked into an argument. Knowing that kids are naturally private about their lives, try to find out what’s going on. Do not make the discussion an inquisition; simply try to connect with your teen and find out why he may be making bad choices. Find out if friends offered him drugs at a party or school. Did he try it just out of curiosity, or did he use marijuana or alcohol, for example, for some other reason? Your calm tone alone will be a signal to your child that you care, and that you are going to do your best to help him.
Here are some suggestions for what to tell your child:
You LOVE him, and you are worried that he might be using drugs or alcohol.
You KNOW that drugs may seem like the thing to do, but doing drugs can have serious consequences.
It makes you FEEL worried and concerned about him when he does drugs.
You are there to LISTEN to him.
You WANT him to be a part of the solution.
You will tell him what you WILL do to help him.
Finally, know that you will have this discussion many, many times. Talking to your kid about drugs and alcohol is not a one-time event!