New Uses for Mannequins
From Silvana Clark
I admit that I’m cheap. My entire jewelry collection consists of my original wedding ring and a Timex watch. I’m so cheap I have difficulty paying full price for my daughter’s clothing. Although sometimes, I even I break down and pay full price.
My husband, Sondra and I were on our way to a show in town when she spied a store she liked and dashed inside before I could stop her. She surveyed the store in typical thirteen- year- old fashion with a running commentary of “This skirt is darling. Oh, I love this jacket. How cool is this sweatshirt?’ I tried to maintain an even breathing pattern while looking at $48.00 price tags on faded sweatshirts with frayed cuffs.
Sondra, knowing my penchant for bargains, pulled out all the stops. “Mom, you know I just brought home my report card with 3.8 GPA. I’ve been doing my chores without being asked. Don’t you think you could buy me this sweatshirt?”
Well, it was true, I owed her. In true cheapskate fashion I responded with, “Let me think about it.” I let her and my husband wander past me up the street, and in a minute, I raced back to Quicksilver and told the manager
“I want to give my daughter a $50.00 gift certificate, but I don’t want her to know it’s from me. “Sure,” she said.
Near the store entrance stood a headless mannequin, with a telephone implanted in her upper torso. “Does that phone work?” I asked. The clerk assured me it was an actual phone. “How about this? I’ll bring my daughter back and get her to answer the phone. Then maybe ask her a few questions like you are from corporate headquarters. If she answers correctly, she wins a $50.00 gift certificate.” I paid for the gift certificate and made it back to the theater just as the show began.
After the performance, I casually suggested we go back to the shop so Sondra could perhaps find a cheaper item to purchase with her own money. She strolled through the store, getting closer and closer to the infamous mannequin. Suddenly the phone rang. She looked at me, then at the phone. She cautiously lifted the receiver. “H-e-l-l-o-o” she said. The rest of the one-sided conversation went like this:
“Well, yes, I’m in the store right now.”
“You want me to tell you the color of the pants in the window? They are red.”
“The sign above the cash register says “Yearly Sale”
“Yes, the staff is friendly.”
I noticed the store manager talking on the phone, bent down behind the main counter. As the call ended, Sondra looked at me, glassy-eyed. “That was a customer awareness call. I answered all their questions so they’re giving me a coupon for $50.” She yelled, “I can get that sweatshirt after all!”
Moral of the store? Always answer a phone implanted in the chest of a mannequin.
Free Willy
From Angela Carver, Texas
I can proudly say that I am successfully raising a beautiful 15- year-old daughter, Alexandria, whom lost her father when she was but fourteen months old.
At first it was devastating being only twenty-five years old and already a widow with a toddler. I dealt with my grief by turning to food. By the time Alexandria was four years old, I had packed on a whopping 120 lbs. I was so self-conscious of the way my body looked that I kept it covered up under baggy clothes, even in summer. My dearest friend, who also had young children, invited us to celebrate her oldest son’s birthday party at a popular water park.
I found myself dreading the event, knowing that I was going to have to find a swimsuit to fit my now bodacious body. My best girlfriend and I shopped for weeks until we finally found the perfect suit for me. It was a black, one-piece with a white hour-glass design down the front that added the effect of an hourglass figure. We found a black and white sarong and black and white sandals to match. I was set to go and feeling a little better about it.
On the big day we were at the water-park in the dressing room. Alexandria was so excited, in her little Baby-Bob bikini and her matching Barney water wings. I emerged from the dressing room and stood in front of the three large wall-length mirrors I looked at my little Alexandria and asked, “So, what do you think of Mommy’s new swimsuit?” With the cheekiest grin ever, she says, “Wow! Mommy you look just like Free Willy.” That did it. I put my t-shirt and shorts over my swim suit and sulked under the umbrella for most of the day.
A Scent of Roses
From Tashia L Bramhan, Fort Mill, SC
My daughter has a very bad habit of not reading things before using them. And one of her personal hygiene items is hair moisturizer.
One day, she couldn’t figure out where the smell of roses was coming from so she came to me and said, “Mom, do you have roses in your room?” I told her no of course and asked her did she use the air freshener. She said no that she didn’t but also wanted to remind me that she was out of her own personal bottle of hair moisturizer and that she used the one in the linen closet between our bedrooms. I thought about it very briefly and told her that I don’t have moisturizer in that closet and she said yes we do, see this bottle right her (which at this point she pulled it out of the closet.)
I simply looked at my child and just literally started laughing until I couldn’t anymore over what she had done. She looked at me and said what is so funny, and I told her, “You nut, that is room air freshener and that is why you smell roses.” Her only response was oops and I told her that is why she needs to read things before using them instead of assuming what she thinks they are.