Battle of the Sexes
From Debi McMillan
My husband and I were watching a talk show on how men and women treat each other in a relationship. He said laughing "Thank God you know your place in this home."
I looked at him and said, "Yeah I did a good job training you the way I want."
Our 13-year-old daughter in the background yells back, " Yeah, dad you should worry, mom has been training me the right way too when it comes to dealing with men."
No Egg on My Face
From Herb Lazar
What is it we give our children? We call it a “legacy.” Like, I hate it when my kids take eggs from the middle of the carton instead of one of the ends. If you pick the thing up, you’re sure to get sagging in the middle… or worse, eggs all over the floor. But do I want my daughter telling her friends, “you think you had it hard, my Dad wouldn’t let us take the eggs from the middle of the carton. Can you believe the anal retentiveness?”
And so we let it go. Perhaps she will use her noggin and logically figure out this and other similar life lessons (yeah, right) or perhaps young Julia will make certain mistakes (like dropping eggs and having to clean the up) and learn from them.
On this particular morning, I was eating my eggs, then I heard the usual harried thumping on the stairs. Julia, 16, was in crisis. She arose her usual 20 minutes late for school, and then, omigod, her hair straightener broke.
"Dad, can you drive me to school? Then I can do my hair and finish my Chem homework.
“Finish your homework? Why didn’t you do it yesterday?”
“Dad, you don’t understand.”
“You’re right, I don’t understand. You know, when I was 16… (uh oh – Legacy Alert. - Remember the Eggs!!!). I changed to my loving sarcastic tone: “OK schnook-ums. I know you need to get all dolled-up for school. I wouldn’t want to be the cause of ostracism from your peers.”
I patiently waited for her to finish the hair and the chemistry. My clients can wait.
Thirty five minutes after being asked to drive her in 20 minutes, we pull up to the school. All the girls appear to be in uniform. Jeans, Ugg boots, North Face jackets, cell phones, pin straight hair.
I looked over at Julia and recalled, yet again, how proud I am of her. She has stellar grades, and, when she’s not frazzled trying to get ready for school, is a pretty amazing kid. Clever; funny; engaging.
“You look beautiful, Princess.”
She smiles. “Thank you Daddy, Love you.” She got out of the car, turned toward the front of the building, books in hand, hair blowing in the wind. I put on the oldies station.
PARENT CHRONICLES-18TH SUMMER
From Jan Smith
What’s wrong with
My air conditioner?
I can’t stand the sweat
All I do is sweat
God, it’s hot
Great!
I have gel on my head
The freakin cold pak leaked
This is great, this is terrific
It’s too stinkin' hot
I can’t sleep
In that freakin room and
Hey, did I tell you
next week I’m going South
To check out schools
I’m sick of snow
Of course, sweet prince,
I know that you want to be
With your friends
That you love better than family
AND
I only want what you want
And will support you
In all quests
Even to leave this heat for
The better heat of the South
But right now
This night
would it help
To use my fan?
No, I thought not
Standing in my bedroom door
To share your pain and plans
Is far better than any sleep
I might have imagined