Special March Hot Topic:

Preteens and Sexuality

The spring fashions are full of spaghetti-strap plunging tops and tight pants that zip below the navel—in sizes that fit children. Do you really want your 12-year-old dressing like Britney or Paris?

It must be said that 12-year-olds dress to fit in. If all their friends are in spaghetti straps, they must be, too. And there isn’t much choice when they go shopping, so what’s a mother to do?

Although these clothes may be pretty suggestive, most preteens don’t have a clue as to what “sexy” means. They are doing what society wills them to do—and it’s hard to stop this momentous cultural force. The messages are everywhere, from TV to the Internet, to the lyrics in rap music, that girls are more popular if they are thin, have big shiny lips, and wear jeans so tight, they have to lie down to put them on. In 2007, tween girls (or rather, their parents) spent $1.3 million on thong underpants. So, that’s where they get the notion.

Possibly because of increased growth hormone in meats and milk, as well as other triggers, girls get their periods at much younger ages than in previous generations. As parents, we should be explaining sex basics from the earliest years, but when a girl begins menses, and starts to develop physically, she is undoubtedly going to be more concerned with the consequences of these changes. She feels ill-at-ease in her altered body, and so, puts on clothing that will help her assimilate into the crowd she wants to look like.

Looking sexy, to a preteen, usually means looking slutty. Too much makeup, too little clothing, and heels high enough to make a girl walk as though she were on a tightrope. Boys, who usually aren’t interested in wearing anything other than jeans and t-shirts at this age, may not have the same initial problem with sexuality issues—but when they see girls looking inappropriately sexual, they easily get the idea that women are to be judged on their looks alone, because that’s what’s the culture emphasizes.

The American Psychological Association has released a study confirming what many parents have feared: All those raunchy media messages do indeed have a negative impact on our daughters, and are tied to eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression. Their findings were that inappropriate exposure to sexual imagery and messages results in the beliefs that:

• a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics;

• a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy;

• a person is sexually objectified—that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; and/or

• sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person (particularly true of children or preteens).

This is a time in life when it’s important for parents to stress healthy physicality—sports and exercise, good nutrition, and plain old hugging from both parents to show affection and approval. Don’t stress your preteens’ appearance (weight, clothing, style) when you discuss what’s going on in their lives. And finally, keep talking about what sex is and what it isn’t. You may learn something yourself as you mull the issues over.

See timely resources on Preteens and Sexuality

 

• Previous Page
• 1
• 2

Issue: March 2008