Our request for reader stories about their teens was so popular last month, we’ve decided to continue it as a feature this month. And if you continue to like it, we’ll ask you to please participate and send in those words of wisdom about your teens and tweens!
Grace L., Valley Stream, NY
“By the time my daughter Tanya was 12, she’d outgrown all her training bras. She told me she wanted to go to the mall alone, without me. She’d take a friend. When the friend’s mother dropped her off after the shopping trip, she was crying. I got out of her that the young saleswoman (who was really flat-chested) had implied that Tanya was gigantic and that guys must hit on her all the time. Once we got over that bit of cruelty, she asked me what she should do, because guys did look at her chest instead of her face and she was worried they would only like her for her breasts. It brought up a discussion that came up many times over the next few years (she’s 16 now), through a variety of boyfriends. And as we know, teen boys aren’t the most mature. I like the kid she’s going with now—he is funny and treats her well and I’m pretty sure they haven’t gone all the way. Yet! Gotta keep talking—and listening—to her!”
Pete J., Elgin, IL
“My wife and I split up two years ago, when Alex was 13 and Jenny was 7. The kids stay with me half the week and I don’t have a lot of space so Alex sleeps on the living room futon and Jenny gets the den. One night a few months ago I got up to go to the kitchen or something and caught Alex looking at porn on the computer. He didn’t act fast enough to close the window so I saw it—and I saw what he was doing while he was online. Major embarrassment on both our parts. I know his mother had talked to him kind of generally about sex, but this was like out of the blue for me. I didn’t want to have to do “The Talk,” but what could I do? So I asked, “do you want to ask me any questions?” and first he said no, but then he got into the whole thing about what was normal, and how many times a week, and whether doing it alone would make it tougher for him when he had a partner. Mostly I didn’t know what to answer but just having it all out in the open (so to speak) made us closer.”
Ellen S., Crystal City, MO
“I have to say I was shocked when my daughter told me she’d had sex with her boyfriend because she was only 15 (but I was 17 when I first had sex—with the man I eventually married). We had talked to Penny since she was little about where babies come from, but I gotta admit, the whole having sex and what really goes on in those minutes before you take some clothes off, well, we’d avoided that part. Anyhow, she said she didn’t want to do it again but he did. I told her that she had to stand her ground and respect herself and if he cared about her, he’d respect her decision. Then she said, “does sex always hurt, Mommy?” And I said that the first time, because you’re nervous, it might hurt but basically it’s supposed to feel good! I wanted to ask her about whether they had used a condom but I just thought no, let her talk a little. She said some friends had dared her to do it and she was sorry because she had hoped the first time would be great. And instead, it was in an older friend’s pickup and it was over really fast. We probably talked for an hour after that about what the difference is between love and sex and how virginity isn’t such a big deal anymore but how it would be good to wait for the next time. I think I came out of that talk feeling like she had taught me something. I hope I can pass this onto others.”