This month’s Parent-Speak is, “How I deal with my teen being rude to me.”
Yvonne I., Terre Haute, IN
“When my daughter turned 11, the eye-rolling began. I could tell her she looked nice, and she’d still roll her eyes! Heaven forbid I should ask her to set the table or walk the dog. I feel offended, not because she says anything particularly rude to me, but how she looks at me, like I should just go crawl in a hole somewhere and go jump in it. I have told her numerous times that I hate that look, but she says she can’t control her expressions and she has no idea what I’m talking about. I would love to hold a mirror up to her face the instant that look flashes across her face, but the next best thing is to make the face back at her. Mimicking her seems to be helping – she sees me do it and bursts out laughing, and that diffuses the situation. It’s not perfect but it’s okay for now.”
John L., Franklin, NH
“My wife and I don’t tolerate rudeness. When our son says something out of hand to either of us, we ask him to repeat it. (This worked with our older son, who is now at college, but we just started it with Sean.) The first few times I tried this, he mouthed off, but eventually, it worked. When I asked if he had finished his homework and he said, “What the hell do you think?” I asked him to repeat that. I said I wanted to be sure I got that right because maybe I was hard of hearing. If he had just said, “Yes, sir,” I would have heard him for sure. He repeated what he’d said, but with less conviction. The next time he tried it, I did the same thing. It took about two days. Now he speaks respectfully—and I have told him I’m glad to know my hearing is okay, too!”
Janelle S., Port Jervis, NY
“My 13-year-old daughter is most rude (very, very rude) when she has her period and is going through mood swings. I can tell the instant she starts talking back that it’s her time of the month. I have actually brought this up, and she completely denies that it has anything to do with her reactions to me. She is perfectly nice to her father and sister, but takes it all out on me, because, she says (rudely) I just ask for it. I know this sounds strange, but giving her more responsibility—looking after her younger siblings, getting to stay up later on weekends, etc.—seems to help a little. She sees that I don’t treat her like a baby, and respects that. We still do go through the, “Oh Mom you are dumber than a bag of hammers,” statements, but they seem less frequent.”
D.S. Dancer 08/14/08
I am going through this problem with my 17 year old son. He is incredibly rude to me, but not to his father! He says that I should respect him but I I've told him that I have no respect for anybody who speaks to their mother like that! We have horrible arguments and it seems that they have gotten worse over the last few months. I have taken away his cell phone, PSP, and grounded him, but now he just seems even madder all the time and has even stopped saying Ma'am!! I am desperately searching for some answers or help because my son has always been a well mannered and respectful kid! But I don't know where this alien came from or how to get rid of it!!
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