ENJOYMENT IS AS WORTHWHILE AS COMPETITION

"My dad was a tennis pro," says Brooke. "And recently I decided not to pursue [the game] beyond high school. It was really hard for him to accept, because he'd gone so far with it. It took time, but he supported my decision."

She's lucky. "Parents have a tendency to make sports about themselves rather than their kids," says Leif Smith, Psy.D, a sports psychologist and president of Personal Best Consulting. It's an approach that can put pressure on a teen and prompt her to participate for all the wrong reasons.

A healthier attitude is to focus on the benefits of simply participating in a sport for the enjoyment and stimulation, and to let your child's enthusiasm guide your own. Sports offer social contact and the chance for personal self-improvement. "I like getting in shape," says Amanda, "and my friends are on the team, too."

Dr. Rohr-Kirchgraber says there are ways to raise a kid with a healthy attitude toward sports:

• Determine expectations. If your daughter's reasons for joining are social, focus on the social. If she is intensely focused on winning, focus on her own expectations for her accomplishments.

• Set a cooling-off period. After a game, ask how she thinks she played rather than give your critique.

• Create a positive world, with realism. Not every kid is the next Sheryl Swoopes. "I'm not going to tell my 11-year-old that she can't play for the WNBA," says Rohr-Kirchgraber. "But I should not tell her there's no question she'll make it."

• Remember who is competing. Hint: it's not you.

A REALITY CHECK

Remember, 99% of us are not professional players-so don't put pressure on your child to act like a pro. Sports are fun and offer the opportunity to learn teamwork, discipline, and to get fit as well. Who could ask for more?

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Issue: September 2008