Listening While Eating
Page V., a San Francisco mother of three, used to hate dinnertime. Her kids had killer schedules and her husband usually didn’t arrive home until after 6:30. Her solution was to feed her family in shifts. But after hearing about an online recipe newsletter, The Six O’Clock Scramble, that offers five nights’ worth of simple dinners weekly along with a grocery list for the week, Page decided to give it a try. “I’m totally hooked,” she says. “Now we’re eating as a family together much more often. And I’m hearing so much more about what everyone is up to, good and bad.”
Parents and teens alike will find that not talking but actively listening while passing the salad or pouring the iced tea allows everyone a chance to be heard. Don’t interrupt; just eat and take it all in. Even if you hear your child say something outrageous or even upsetting at dinner you’re more likely to let him or her finish their comments without immediately jumping in with suggestions or imparting advice. And the other members of the family will hear the dialogue and possibly learn something as well.
Quality Dinner Time Means Using TV Wisely
Other families may sit down to dinner together but with the backdrop of television news or sports. Does watching TV while sharing a family meal have the same impact on teens? Renée Hobbs, a professor in the Department of Broadcasting, Telecommunications, and Mass Media at Temple University in Philadelphia, and founder of the Media Education Lab at Temple, says there’s no easy answer.
“Research shows that 60 percent of today’s families eat dinner with the TV on,” Hobbs says. “And that can minimize or negate the value of the family dinner. So many parents get defensive and guilty when they admit they keep the television on during meals. But, as someone who has worked with families and teachers to promote media literacy, I show them how to incorporate media into kids’ lives in a positive way. There are opportunities for parents to use the television as a learning tool; for example, make editorial comments on food advertising, ask questions about what’s being shown on the news or sports. Use television as a jumping-off place to initiate a family discussion.”
Family Day—Making Family Meals a National Priority
After gathering research on the importance of family dinners for several years, in 2001, CASA chairman and president and former U.S. Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare, Joseph A. Califano, launched Family Day — A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children™. Califano requested a Family Day Proclamation from President Bush, and Family Day is now celebrated on the fourth Monday in September as a national movement to encourage parents to eat dinner frequently with their kids and be involved in their children’s lives. Last year, CASA, TV Land, and Nick at Nite’s Family Table: Share More Than Meals Initiative held a pledge drive that resulted in a two-year goal of more than 1.7 million Americans pledging to eat with their families on Family Day, and the governors of 48 states and the mayors and executives of more than 600 cities and counties proclaimed Family Day.
Even Nick at Nite is on-board with this: see Nick at Night’s Family Table: Share More Than Meals, an interactive Web site that promotes dining as a family.
While it’s difficult enough to gather kids, backpacks, briefcases, and car keys just to get out the door in the morning, the idea of sitting down to a family dinner during the week may seem impossible. But with planning, creativity, and a commitment from parents and teens, family dinners can become the norm at your house, and everyone will benefit.
gigi gaggero, San Mateo, CA 12/05/07
What about breakfast together -- the meal doesn't necessarily have to be after five PM.
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