Q: About two years ago, my husband and I restricted our two pre-teens to using the Internet solely for homework, once we found out they were sneaking online on their MySpace accounts, which we strongly are against. For the last two years we have an Internet login that only my husband and I know. I'd like to begin trusting them again and allow our now 13 and 14 year olds to use the computer with out having to log them in each time they have to use it. What software can we install to track the sites they've been on and their activity if they are on the Internet without us home monitoring their usage?
A: You are to be commended for your awareness of this issue and the steps you have taken to protect your daughters. Your safest course of action is probably to continue logging them in and restricting their computer use to times when you are in the home and can supervise them. 13 and 14 year old girls are very vulnerable. They are very interested in relationships with peers, especially boys, and yet lack the judgment needed to keep themselves safe. Although they may have been educated in the dangers of the Internet, they tend to believe that bad things only happen to others. Time and again teens will try to assure me that the person they are communicating with on the internet is ok even though there is no real basis for their beliefs.
If you are considering a software tracking system then you are already recognizing that trust alone is not enough. You might consult with the technology staff in your school district to see what they would recommend. None of these systems are foolproof, although they do provide some protection.
Anyone, including college staff or parents, can sign up for an account or “page” on My Space or Facebook. They are then able to search through the other pages that users have designated as “public.” You could spend some time looking through Facebook pages with your daughters and have some discussion about what you find.
Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents.