WHY IS CYBERBULLYING SO PREVALENT?

Bullies used to be real, tangible villains. You could see and hear them (and get punched out by them). If you were a victim, other people could see what was happening to you. They might actually stand up for you.

But the Internet has changed all that. Cyberbullies do what they like because there's less restraint online than there could ever be offline. Kids hide out in cyberspace and do their worst. They can spread a rumor around school (or in between schools) within minutes by text, IM, or cell. This changes the dynamic of how kids interact. They can be really nasty because they don't have to deal with the ramifications of their behavior.

An article by John Suler in the journal CyberPsychology & Behavior suggests that cyberbullying has become prevalent because:

• Web users can hide behind pseudonyms and be anonymous.

• There's a time lag between sending a message and getting feedback.

• Bullies (and victims) feel they are alone as they act-this enhances their sense of power.

• There is no online authority figure to maintain order.

Sociologist Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. agrees that kids are more likely to bully today than they were in a pre-Internet world. "Young people who...normally observe the social controls that keep most people civilized, can change [when] online. The anonymous nature of chat rooms and email allows people to be both sweeter and sexier or, in some cases, more cruel and cutting. [They sometimes] show little restraint in venting their anger and frustration."

And Susan Duron, Ph.D., the co-author of the parent workshop series "Can We Talk About Bullying?" for the National Education Association, states that, "Kids are using information technology to make the age-old problem of harassment a living nightmare...due to the nature of the Internet, cyberbullies are not held accountable for the painful results of their cruel actions."

IS YOUR CHILD A VICTIM, VICTIMIZER, OR WITNESS?

"I think it's funny to play mind games with people online," said Gary D., a handsome, popular, and charming sophomore in Gaithersburg, Maryland. When asked in confidence about cyberbullying, he boasted of sending anonymous threats to fellow students.

Deb W., a Sante Fe mom, talked with her 11-year-old son Eric about what seemed to be a very difficult day he had at school. Eric said he had been called names by a bunch of boys. He admitted wanting to get even by sending his tormentors anonymous email threats. Mother and son then discussed other ways of coping. He could be proactive by reacting the next time with humor to deflect their harassment; he could ignore them completely; or he could make a point of hanging out with good friends and trying not to be alone and vulnerable.

It's hard for a parent to acknowledge that their teen might be a cyberbully, eager to play with personal power while lurking in a Web corner. It's also hard to realize that she could be a victim. It's certainly likely that your teen has stood aside and watched while others did the bullying.

With cyberbullying, the problems are complex and evolving as technology changes. Luis Carrasco, with the New Mexico Association of Family, Career, and Community Leaders of America notes, "While we have not seen specific student groups forming anti-cyberbullying groups, we have seen young people taking leadership roles in character education and promoting respectful and safe schools. This is a good sign."

Meanwhile, you can do what you can to set a good example. Parents have to be role models and show respectful behavior. Your kids are watching you closely, and if you gossip or make threats, they will see this as permission to behave the same way-online or off.

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Issue: August 2007